Love this book but not as much as I love Sacrificial Magic, book 4 in the Downside Ghosts series. Great writing. Four stars. Review to come...?
(I'm iLove this book but not as much as I love Sacrificial Magic, book 4 in the Downside Ghosts series. Great writing. Four stars. Review to come...?
(I'm insanely busy these days, and honestly all the haters have pretty much killed any joy I had in reviewing books altogether and, lets face it, I was never consistent in writing reviews, even back in the good old days. So, yeah, screw all you Goodreaders and/or authors who can't accept the fact that not every person is going to love every book. The only reason I will most likely review this book is because Stacia Kane is one of the few authors who defended the Goodreaders/book bloggers who feel that honesty is the best policy when it comes to reviewing books. An author with that opinion deserves to be reviewed.) ...more
***Warning: this review contains spoilers for Feed***
I really don't know what I can say about this book besides how disappointed and frustrated it le***Warning: this review contains spoilers for Feed***
I really don't know what I can say about this book besides how disappointed and frustrated it left me. Not that I was expecting something incredible mind you. I mean, it's not like Feed left me begging for more so I have no idea why I gave Deadline the time of day.
Actually I do know. I'm not too bright. I was going to purchase The Demon's Surrender on Tuesday June 14th, because that's when it was released, but for whatever reason the audiobook was not available for sale at audible. So I wasted a precious audible credit on this ridiculously long piece of trash. How long is this audiobook you ask? 15+ hours.
Yes, more than 15 hours of what amounts to a really long episode of The Incredible Hulk, featuring zombies and the magical world of news blogging. Except to make things extra fun The HulkBruce Banner Shaun, our main character, has his dead sister's voice stuck in his head running commentary on everything he does. And he talks back to that voice. Vocally. Like, all the time no matter who is around.
When people encounter Shaun's strange behavior and make the mistake of asking if he's feeling okay, Bruce Shaun looses his crap and 'splodes out of his clothes in a fit of rage, turns green and goes on a punching spree. And he's all 'HULK MAD! HULK SMASH! HULK KILL!' starts acting like a massive douche-canoe--like, way more douche-y than he usually acts--and threatens to punch the crap out of whoever has the nerve to ask him about the state of his mental health.
That wouldn't be such worrisome behavior if he were some crazy urine-soaked hobo who lives out of a refrigerator box. But see, Shaun is the head blogger at popular news blog he and his (dead) sister started a few years before. He has a ton of employees all over the world.
Mr Crazy Pants is in charge. Really. And that's where my first issue with Deadline springs up.
Who in their right mind would put up with that crap? The answer is no one. Not even people who are supposedly friends with said crazy person. Especially when that person has not contributed ANYTHING worthwhile to the blog in over a year. A person who doesn't even make any real decisions anymore. A person who does little more than show up and carry on conversations with the dead sister living in his head himself and threaten to punch people, occasionally carrying out those threats, breaking noses in the process.
We're supposed to believe that his employees are that loyal and/or so stupid they'd be willing to stick around and take that sort of abuse. Bloggers who are at the top of their fields and could go to a number of other news blogs or easily start their own.
One could argue that he just lost his sister and his friends/employees are just really patient and understanding, but here's the deal: his sister died a year prior to the events in Deadline. Plus, they live in a world where zombies run free. Every last one of them have lost close friends and loved ones yet none of them act like Shaun.
So...what makes Shaun so special?
Nothing. He's not special. Which is why I grew weary of this book almost from the get go. But I kept reading because I thought Shaun was going to calm down and pull his act together. Don't want to be all spoiler-y but it needs to be said: that never happens. In fact his behavior worsens yet NO ONE takes a cattle prod to his crazy ass; no one throws him to the zombies just so they can get rid of their little "Debbie Downer".
There is a whole lot of other stuff that happens which, I'm sorry, doesn't really matter because (view spoiler)[Grant decides to pretty much undo something HUGE that goes down in the first book. (view spoiler)[ George is magically alive at the end of the book. That happens. Really. (view spoiler)[The author pulls the cloning card, and a piss-poor job she does with the whole cloning thing if you ask me. Why? (view spoiler)[Because everyone knows cloning doesn't work that way. (view spoiler)[ Clones don't retain the original's memories. Sometimes they don't even look exactly like the original (hide spoiler)] And no, I don't think it's cool to just pretend it does for the sake of the story. Grant went out of her way to create the whole back story to Kellis-Amberlee, correct? So why is it so difficult for her to think up a semi-feasible reason as to why George is magically alive? The whole thing comes off a little too Resident Evil if you ask me, and no, that isn't a compliment (hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)](hide spoiler)]. To be honest, I feel there is little of importance that goes down in this book. It's all a bunch of happenings that don't amount to anything in the end. If you've read Deadline and you don't agree with me, that's cool. Just do me a favor and ask yourself this: what, if anything, happened in this book that wasn't made so completely pointless by the way the book ended? I bet your answer is along the lines of 'nothing'.
And then there's the plot holes. So many plot holes. Gigantic ones. One in particular that is so infeasible, so massive you sort of want to write Mira Grant hate mail while reading it. Or maybe that's just me.
Speaking of holes, am I the only one that thinks the answer to the zombie problem, should a zombie apocalypse ever occur, is the Grand Canyon? I mean, it's a massive hole in the ground, right? All we'd have to do is round up and herd all the zombies to the Grand Canyon. We could walk them in at ground level and then brick them in, or just let them walk over the cliffs (this option is rather inhumane but, hey, it's flesh-eating, disease-carrying zombies we're talking about not adorable puppies and kitties). I'm also willing to consider using Carlsbad Caverns, as it is also a massive hole in the ground and I'm not a huge fan of New Mexico.
Don't even get me started about Shaun's (not at all thought out) motorcycle ride of karma from zombie hell. I'm sorry but who is that stupid? Why would anyone let anyone else ride a motorcycle into a place so insanely infested with zombies? I kept wondering why they couldn't strap that thing to the back of the van, or, I don't know, LEAVE IT BEHIND. Hell, even if there really wasn't room left inside the van, Shaun could have easily strapped himself to the roof, or (call me crazy) strap some of their equipment to the roof of the van in order to make room for him. Either way, he would have been safer.
One last thing: (view spoiler)[I was so totally right about the incest thing. I knew George and Shaun were too close to not be sleeping together. And no, I don't think that Grant is so edgy by going that route. If anything Grant is all about cop-outs. The incest was a cop-out and so was the cloning of a dead character. (hide spoiler)]
I will not be reading the third book in this series. One-and-a-half stars.
Okay, I'm completely in the minority with this one. Pretty much everyone and their family loves this book. I, unfortunately, do not. And at this time Okay, I'm completely in the minority with this one. Pretty much everyone and their family loves this book. I, unfortunately, do not. And at this time I'm not capable of writing a fair and thorough review about Hallowed because just thinking about it still makes me ill, as if I'm recovering from food poisoning after eating at my absolute favorite restaurant. The whole thing just makes me so sad and disgusted. That said, I do feel, for the most part, Cynthia Hand ended this book the way it needed to end. Anything else, given the circumstances, would have been completely wrong.
And I need to give Hand credit for writing something that made me, the reader, feel like I was going through the worst break up ever. Like my soul was ripped to shreds in the slowest, most torturous way possible--look, I felt like I had a car resting on my chest when (view spoiler)[Clara drives away from her last date with Tucker, wanting to turn back but not doing it because that would have been wrong. By the way, how great is Tucker? He loved her so much he let her go. In his situation that was so much more difficult than fighting for her. (hide spoiler)]. I had difficulty breathing and I wanted to cry but couldn't. I mean, (view spoiler)[ 'Tucker & Clara' is only YA PNR pairing I've ever believed in. Cynthia Hand wrote their relationship so well in Unearthly I would have been fine if they eventually got married. They just seemed so right for one another, so solid, so genuinely in love. So...yeah...I'm ridiculously angry over how things ended between them, but I'm also glad because, all things considered, it had to happen.
Having said all that, I hope Christian dies like a stupidly long, drawn out, merciless, torturous death. I really mean that, and it's okay because he's a fictional character. A fictional character whose entire existence ruined the only good thing YA PNR had going for it. (hide spoiler)]
Someday I will write an in-depth review of Hallowed in which I will go into Cynthia Hand's brand of angel lore and what not. But today is not that day. Today I'm still feeling a whole lot of Hatred with an extra serving of Bitter on the side. 2.7 stars*.
* Star-rating subject to change at reviewer's whim.
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The 'day after' reaction to this book: I'm going to have to think about this one for a while. Hallowed is well written, that's undeniable, but it makes me really uncomfortable in the sense that had it really been playing out in front of my eyes I'd have to stop watching. I had to put this down several times. At one point I started skimming (something I never do) just to get the whole nightmare over with.
Hallowed is such a depressing follow up to Unearthly. ...more
Have you ever read a book that's so irritating you can't help but think, 'It would be great if most of the characters died right now, especially the mHave you ever read a book that's so irritating you can't help but think, 'It would be great if most of the characters died right now, especially the main character because she sucks'? Possibly even go so far as consider writing and posting your own ending to said book on fanfiction.net? An ending in which Buffy the Vampire Slayer shows up and kills everyone in a hilarious yet incredibly violent fashion?
If your answer is YES then you've probably been reading this series. XD
Seriously though, Tempted killed my addiction to the House of Night series. And I know I should be grateful--in a way I am--but, more than anything I can't help but be incredibly disappointed. The first HON book had some potential but instead of getting better as the series continued, it just got worse. So. Much. Worse.
Zoey Redbird went from being a normal teenage girl, who just so happened to be a vampire, to a complete slut-faced ho bag vampire with extrasuperspecial powers by the sixth book. To be completely honest, the full transformation to Supernatural "Slut-Face" Sue occurred a few books back.
Zoey is so much worse then Aphrodite was at the beginning of the series. And I think we can all agree Aphrodite was kind of slutty way back then, what with her forcing her company on an obviously uninterested, slightly disgusted Eric all the time. Now that I think about it, that's way more sad then it is slutty. I digress. My point is now Aphrodite is committed to a nice guy who loves & respects her, and Zoey is lusting after/sexing/heavily-petting/groping/making out with just about every guy that comes her way.
For whatever reason Zoey's behavior is not considered slutty because she's a priestess, or whatever. Apparently if you wield the power of Nyx you can get away with anything, even being the Whore of Babylon. How nice.
Erik/Stark/Kalona/everyotherwaytotallyhotguyevuh? Hate them. So much. Because seriously, Zoey is the Whore of all Babylon, has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, yet they're all hot and bothered over her. Morons. All of them. Obviously Kalona is just some disgusting, evil...God? Demon? Whatever! who wants to get Zoey in the sack and then kill her--I'm sorry but where's the downside to that plan? Just kidding! (not really) And I really don't understand Erik's attraction to her, especially since she cheated on him with THEIR ADULT TEACHER the same day Erik became a full-fledged vampire (It was, what? An hour after the fact???). And Stark? Ugh! Don't even get me started on the Stark/Zoey 'ship. That whole complicated/nonsensical mess just makes me want to bash my head against a brick wall. Repeatedly.
Moving on...
The gay couple in this series is completely ridiculous. Look, I don't have an issue with homosexuality in YA fiction, but I do have a problem with the way it's portrayed in this series. Damien and Jack are like a parody of a stereotype, if that makes sense. Their relationship is so--dare I say--gay, for lack of a better description. It's just a bunch of rainbows, puppies, kittens, lollipops, fluffy clouds, sunshine, glitter-farting unicorns, and of course fabulousness! in Damien-and-Jack Townshipville.
The Twins? Sooooooo stuuuuuuuuuupid. These are two of my least favorite characters and were I to write a Buffy the Vampire Slayer/HON crossover, these two would go first (at the exact same time). It wouldn't be pretty, either.
Stevie Rae? I don't even know what to think about where her story is going. I mean, seems like the girl's gonna be gettin' it on with some sort of demented raven-man thing, which is incredibly disgusting. That whole weird relationship aside? Stevie Rae just isn't the same. In fact, she hasn't been since she died and came back. Stevie Rae just flat-out gives me the creeps so I don't like her either.
Then there's Heath. Poor, stupid, very mortal Heath. One of the few characters I still kind of liked in this horrible horrible, oh, so very horrible series. And yes, I know I'm probably the only person who actually liked Heath (you slags were wanting him to die and you know it!) but I don't care. The fact is, he's the only person that really knew Zoey and he still loved her, despite all her faults. He loved her so much he decided it was time to grow up and quit drinking/partying. And put his life on the line for her. He's the only person that kept Zoey grounded (besides her grandmother, of course). I actually liked the interactions between Zoey and Heath. Their conversations were cute, and sweet, and fun. I actually kind of liked Zoey when she was with Heath--I could relate to her.
And what did the Casts' do? They killed him. KILLED! At the end of the last chapter! And because he's mortal he's actually dead dead. As in, never coming back dead (unlike Stevie Rae and Stark whou should have stayed dead, IMHO). And I've got the feeling the Casts only killed him because their story got away from them and they didn't know what else to do.
The Casts are going to drag this series out for SIX MORE BOOKS, people! And considering the fact that they've already lost control of their story, It's pretty safe to say that this series won't end well. (Don't say I didn't warn you.)
And it needs to be said, I am dumber for having read the first six books in the House of Night series.
I know, I can't believe I read this book either. What's worse? I've read all of them--the six that have been published. Why? Because I'm a moron, thatI know, I can't believe I read this book either. What's worse? I've read all of them--the six that have been published. Why? Because I'm a moron, that's why.
Seriously, this is the worst YA vampire--I mean vampyre--series I've read (so far). While there are elements in this series that are interesting, it's nothing special. I mean, vampyres that control the elements? Come on! Richelle Mead already did that, just much, much, much better. Much better.
Why not just write a book about witches? Because these vampyres aren't all that vampyre-y, especially the further you get in the series. Sure they drink blood, but they do magic--drawing circles, calling the elements--more often then not.
And the slang used? Makes me cringe. It's so lame and forced. And--just stupid.
I haven't read any of P.C. Cast's other books--the books she wrote by herself. But I've read a short story written by Kristen Cast. It is so entirely FULL OF FAIL (see: Immortal:Love Stories with Bite), I kind of think she's the reason this series sucks so badly.
You're not Joss Whedon. You'll never be Joss Whedon and/or J.K. Rowling, so do yourself (and everyone else) a favor: stop trying.
Yours Truly, Someone Who Deserves Their Money Back (A.K.A. Everyone Who Bought a Copy of City of Fallen Angels)
P.S. What were you thinking?
P.P.S. No seriously, what were you thinking when you decided to revive this series? Were you thinking at all? Fair question given the circumstances. Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone? Are you controlled by greed? Just curious.
P.P.P.S. I hope you enjoy swimming in your money bin filled with all that ill-gotten wealth.
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The first thing I did upon finishing City of Fallen Angels: *Headdesk*
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I brought this misery upon myself. To that I say: I agree with you, wholeheartedly. You're probably also wondering why I expected a different outcome then the one I got. I've spent the morning wondering that exact same thing. So far I've come up with a handful of explanations, none of which are backed with much reason.
***SECRET SHAME ALERT!!!*** What can I say? I'm that person. You know, that pathetic moron who spends way too much time and energy believing in other people, even the ones who've done nothing but let me down in the past. In my defense I love seeing people live up to their potential.
Yes, I actually believe Cassandra Clare has potential. (Now over half my friends and followers have lost all respect for me.) Or at least I did feel that way until I picked up this book. Now I don't know exactly how I feel about her. Before anyone unfriends me, please lemme 'splain.
There are brief moments, between all the stolen storylines, ill-conceived plotting, melodrama and so-forth, in which I'm able to see that Cassandra Clare does have something unique and interesting to bring to the table. Even a few moments of--dare I say--complete brilliance that, had Ms Clare expanded on, could have gone somewhere great. Unfortunately I don't think Ms Clare knows that about herself so she spends most of her time lifting ideas from other people's work, pasting it together and trying to pass it off as her own.
Either that or she really wishes she was Joss Whedon. And really, who could blame her? I wanna be Joss Whedon too--that way I could know all the ins and outs of the Firefly universe, but I digress. She failed at channeling Joss Whedon's brilliance though it is evident that she tried.
Long story short: this book was like a slap in the face given to me by none other then a very smug Cassandra Clare. Serves me right for being dumb enough to believe in her, amirite?
In-depth review to come.
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Initial reaction to the new cover to this book: Can I just say how irritated I am that Clary and Jace are pretty much front and center in this book? Clary is even on the freaking cover. I thought this story was going to focus on Simon, so what's with the return of The Jace & Clary Quasi-Incest Show? I just don't care about them anymore and I desperately wish they'd just go away. Forever.
I know I'm going to read this only to wish I hadn't. Why? Because I can't stay away from these stupid books. Kill me.
First off, I'd have given this book zero stars were it possible, but since it isn't I gave it one star. This book is full of fail, end of story. ThereFirst off, I'd have given this book zero stars were it possible, but since it isn't I gave it one star. This book is full of fail, end of story. There is no other way to describe this book, really.
That's a lie. There is another way to describe how bad this book is. Take everything that sucked about the Twilight series and multiply that by any number (except zero. Or one. Or any negative number. Aw, crap, you know what I mean). Because really, this book is a bad version of Twilight except with fallen angels instead of vampires. Oh, and, compared to this book, Twilight is a friggin' literary masterpiece. That's how bad this book is.
You think Bella is irritating? Meet Luce Price, the most irritating protagonist ever. She's stupid (yet still somehow incredibly smart, according to her grades), a creepy stalker, and has zero sense of self-worth or shame.
When Daniel, this story's "hero", flips Luce the bird and then proceeds to treat her like garbage--on several occasions--what does Luce do? She instantly becomes obsessed with Daniel and breaks into the school records room to find out more about him. Not once does she think she might be crossing a line by going through someones private records. Obviously, talking to him--like a normal person would--to find out more about him, is out of the question, amirite? Oh, and when a guy treats a girl like garbage that is actually code for TRULUV4EVA.
Look, I could go on and on about how idiotic this book is, but I won't since I have better things to do, like, write hate mail to the publisher of this book. Seriously, I'd be hard pressed to find a book that is worse then this flaming pile of garbage, and had I a time machine I'd use it to go back in time in order to stop myself from ever reading this book.
To sum up my review: Worst. Book. I've. Ever. Read. EVER. (yes, the second 'ever' was entirely necessary) An incredible waste of time and money, and ink, and trees...I could go on (and on and on...). This book makes babies cry.
Edit: As of February 26, 2010 over nine hundred goodreads users think this book is amazing*. Amazing?! Really??? I mean, don't get me wrong, I fully understand really liking a book that has little to no literary value (see my guilty pleasures shelf for proof). But amazing? Come on people! Five stars really should be reserved for the classics--great literary works, or something that really moves you emotionally; makes you think on a deeper level then usual; makes you want to be a better person.
It is beyond me that anyone truly loves this book. Seriously.
I'm sure a lot of you are wondering why, if I hated this book so much, I read the entire thing. Originally, after only reading the first few chapters of this book I hurled it across the room in a fit of anger (and no, I'm not a rageaholic. This book--the fact that it was published and I was duped into wasting money on it--just enraged me that much). But I had to finish it. I just had to. Because I was dumb enough to believe it got better--but it didn't. It just got worse and worse as the book continued. The absolute worst part is this book is 452 pages long, and the first 400 pages contain no plot whatsoever.
Though I already mentioned how much I dislike the protagonist I feel I should add: Luce is an insipid creature (read: TSTL). All she does is think of the most mundane crap--stuff that isn't in the least bit important or interesting--it almost makes you want to take a drill to your own head. At one point she even wonders what size shoe Daniel wears--mind you this is during the same period if time he's sending out strong 'I hate Luce' vibes like nobody's business.
And yeah, for a girl who may or may not have accidentally on purpose killed the last boy she liked, it's truly creepy how easily she gets over it and readily moves on to the next victims boys. Is she that messed up and desensitized? Seems to me Luce is a sociopath and should be in prison, not reform school.
Speaking of said reform school: It's laughable how the security is practically non-existent. Did the author do any research on reform schools? I mean, come on! These teens--not counting Penn--are at this reform school because they are more then a little dangerous to themselves and/or others. They are there to be reformed, not kindasorta babysat.
I really could go on about the massive plot holes contained in this novel--of which there are several--but I won't. I'm just going to say one last thing: I'm shocked that something this bad could be published and then--I kid you not--be optioned for a film. Really Disney? You really want to take this horribly written excuse of a novel and make it into a movie? Are you that hard up for script ideas? Really??? Fine, go ahead. Perpetuate the death of all good literature. Celebrate mediocrity. Rape the young minds of our society. I mean, everyone else is doing it, why not join in. As long as you make a buck who cares, amirite???
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*Quick review of goodreads rating system: five stars='amazing', four stars='really liked it', three stars='liked it', two stars='it was okay', one star='didn't like it'
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UPDATE (06/27/11): Over 300 people like this review. Yay. I WIN THE INTERNET! Or at least I win a medal in the Crazy Rant About A Horrible Book category. I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible: Goodreads friends, followers of my reviews and everyone else who read and voted for my review--I couldn't have done this without any of you. Also, special thanks go out to Al Gore, the creators of Goodreads, Delacorte Press, whoever green-lighted this book, all the trees that selflessly laid down their lives so this book could be put into print and, of course, Lauren Kate. Peace Out.
Who is publishing these horribly written YA novels? Who? (every publisher, ever) And more importantly, why? (for tons of cash)
First off, I didn't finWho is publishing these horribly written YA novels? Who? (every publisher, ever) And more importantly, why? (for tons of cash)
First off, I didn't finish this book. I couldn't finish this book. I couldn't get 1/4 of the way through, even though I have the audiobook. Actually not only is this book boring as hell but the audiobook was poorly cast (more on that later). This is another book I picked up because of the pretty cover. *kicking self, a lot*
I have to admit the premise sounded interesting--not long before this book crossed my path I'd finished reading Blood and Chocolate, which is, overall, somewhat enjoyable even if it is a little weird--so I just had to read it. But guess what? Not an interesting story. Not even kind of.
The coupling in this book? Bizarre. Boring--I mean, really boring.
Sam doesn't think like a guy. Not even a little. Sam thinks like a woman. A really boring older woman. No guy throws on a puffy coat and thinks "I look like a blimp in this thing." No heterosexual guy. No way. Not ever. I can't help but wonder if Sam ever gets around to asking Grace if his pants make his butt look fat. But I digress.
Grace is Boring. Not only that but she's also insipid, and irritating. Did I mention mind-numbingly boring? So just to review: Grace: She's Bella Swan's evil, but oh-so-very-boring twin.
And the character named Isabella (I think that's her name), that, like, pisses herself? WTF??? WHY? Seriously, WHY? It's because of the pissing scene that I stopped paying attention to the audio book. Sure, every once in a while I caught snippets of the story. But none of it was interesting. So eventually I turned it off and cursed Audible for having a no return policy--sure, it totally makes sense. But still.
Tangent: Look, I wasted one of my audible credits on this piece of trash. I can't resell it, or even trade it for something better. I'm pissed.
Speaking of the audio book: like I said earlier it was horribly cast. The female narrator sounds like a fourteen-year-old girl. And the male narrator sounds like my old elementary school gym coach. The one that sorta looked like a child molester--you know what I'm talking about, everyone had a coach like that. Everyone.
Needless to say, the audio book gave me heebies from the get go. I couldn't help but picture some ninth grade girl--because, like I said, she sounds quite young--flirting with her disgusting teacher (who has a mustache and wears tiny gym shorts). I'm still traumatized.
So yeah, I advise you don't read this book. And definitely don't buy the audio book. If you do, don't say I didn't warn you.
Anyone who has a kid has probably, at one point or another, battled with them at bedtime. That's what I do, every night. There is much yelling, cryingAnyone who has a kid has probably, at one point or another, battled with them at bedtime. That's what I do, every night. There is much yelling, crying, begging and pleading. It's horrible.
Kid #3 is out like a light, so she's not part of the problem. Kid #2 puts up a good fight, whining and tantrum throwing, but eventually she succumbs to her sleepiness. Kid #1, however... well, she's another story altogether.
At night, she's afraid of everything and feels that if she sleeps something will get her. But she's not invincible, she has to sleep sometime. So after being assured that she's safe, she'll lay down and relax--this can only happen in the master bedroom, because in her mind the master bedroom is safe from everything.
Once she's been lulled into blissful unconsciousness either me or my husband will move her to her room. Typically this goes off without a hitch. But every once in a great while she wakes up and totally freaks out, because she realizes she was tricked. By her own parents, no less. She feels betrayed. She doesn't believe us when we swear that we won't move her again (because we will and she knows it). And so, because of her her general mistrust, her fear of everything, not to mention all the sobbing, she is awake for another couple of hours, at least. The whole situation is very dramatic and it totally sucks.
How does this relate to My Sister's Keeper? It doesn't--not exactly but I do have a point. Let me explain. I spent years avoiding Jody Picoult's books like the plague. They frightened me. I don't know why. Perhaps it's the fact that every woman over thirty can't stop raving about Jody Picoult books, which means they're probably not my 'cuppa tea'. It may even have something to do with the fact that the woman has the ability to crank these insanely thick books out like she's some sort of writing machine from hell. I don't know, it just doesn't seem natural. Besides, no author is capable of writing so fast. At least, no good author can do such a thing, amirite?
But finally, after being assured that Jody is actually quite talented, that her books are intriguing and worthwhile, I relented and picked up Nineteen Minutes. And you know what? It wasn't horrible. Actually, I kind of liked it. Alright, I admit it--I liked it a lot. It wasn't the best book ever, but it was the sort of book that makes you think, stays with you after you're finished reading it. *shrugs* I happen to like that sort of thing.
So I immediately picked up My Sister's Keeper. And I liked it too. In fact, I was only half way through the book when I was positive I'd be giving it four stars. Sure the sub-plot about the lawyer and the child advocate falling in love was incredibly stupid, but could I blame Jody for throwing it in? No. I'm sure her target audience expects that sort of thing to be in every book they ever read. So I was willing to forgive it. I even forgave all the cheesy cliches.
Because sometimes I'm able to ignore stupid subplots, ridiculous cliches, irritating characters (and by irritating I mean 'so monstrous they deserve to die a horribly drawn-out and painful death'. Yes, I'm talking about the mother in this book), formulaic--that's a word, right?--writing and even the lack of good editing when a story has peaked my interest. It happened when I was reading Twilight and it happened while I was reading this book.
Besides, I'd already come to the conclusion that I'd like this book because I liked Nineteen Minutes. I even had visions of myself adding Jodi Picoult to my list of favorite authors, adding the whole of Jodi Picoult's published works to my TBR list, happily reading said books on the beach over summer break--it was going to be so awesome!
But then, when I was nearly finished with this book, Jodi Picoult went and ruined everything. EVERYTHING! I don't even have the desire to finish this book. I feel manipulated, betrayed, lied to, cheated, and totally violated! I also feel incredibly stupid for thinking that Jodi Picoult was a good writer. Because she's not. She totally sucks and I hate her.
So. Even though I've wasted hours of my life reading, and thinking about, Jodi Picoult novels, it hasn't been all bad. I've learned two things from this whole experience. First, I should trust my initial instincts when it comes to books. Second, I'm an a-hole for lying to my kid. It's no wonder she doesn't trust me, and she'll probably need years of therapy because of it. I wouldn't blame her if she threw me in a really bad nursing home someday.
I gave this book two stars because it isn't horrible until the end. That's when Picoult whips out the most manipulative, unnecessary twist, and thus ruins the whole experience.
Cyn Balog wrote, posted and eventually deleted the following morsel from her blog:
"Hi, there! I posted on twitter something that went a little like
Cyn Balog wrote, posted and eventually deleted the following morsel from her blog:
"Hi, there! I posted on twitter something that went a little like this: "PSA to aspiring authors: Do not rate books on review sites unless 1)the author is dead or 2)you like things to come back to bite you in the ass".
I got a lot of comments for that one. People asked, "Positive reviews?" and to that I say, well, positive reviews are okay, but DO NOT RATE THE BOOK. If you have to give the book stars, it had better be 5 STARS. Or else.
"Why?" you say. "Four stars means I liked it a lot. Three means I liked it. Those are positive things."
No, they are not. And I will tell you why.
Most authors hate goodreads. And with good reason. There are many trolls out there who can anonymously rip apart books with mean-spirited reviews, and they seem to thrive upon finding the most creative and amusing ways to slam a novel. They love to get comments from other trolls, agreeing with them. It appears that there are gangs of these people who enjoy crafting negative reviews, complete with funny pictures and whatnot, which must take so much time it begs the question, "do these people have lives?" A good portion of the site, which is comprised of serious reviewers, is being overshadowed by these people, which is sad. Because of this, most authors say that they never visit goodreads. Ever. I, in fact, never go there. Usually. But every once in awhile, I will be dragged to it, like a moth to a flame. And something on the site will usually burn my retinas.
Authors tell you that they don't care about reviews. They don't care what the haters think. They are liars. Because really, what sells a book is word of mouth. And if enough people are hating their book, that translates to... lack of word of mouth, which translates to lack of sales, which translates to lack of ability to pay one's bills. And all authors care about that.
Anyway, back to why a four star review is not a good thing for an aspiring author to give. Because it creates a comparison. Authors are insecure. Like I said, if you don't like one, it could mean that they don't have steak for dinner. And so, if you say, "I liked this book" and rate it 4 stars... many authors, especially the ones who have a lot of time on their hands, will check to see what your average review is. If it is 4.72, and you rate her book 4 stars, she will be upset, because it means that you liked her book LESS than most of the books you read. She will check all the books you read and see which ones you rated 5 stars and wonder why you didn't like hers as much. Negative feelings will ensue. No, she may not remember you, especially if she gets thousands of reviews. But she also won't remember you as one of her "die-hard fans" either. So when you publish your book and ask her for a blurb, she may say, "Sure..." but then again, she may say, "I'm too busy."
You're probably thinking, "You are not serious. No writer is that ridiculous or obsessive."
But I have spoken to hundreds of published authors... and this is what I have discovered. It's a secret we writers keep, but ratings systems play mind-games with us. They make us go insane, to the point of obsession. I, after a couple years of torment, have learned to opt-out of the insanity... but sometimes, every once in awhile, it does call me back. I'm getting better. With every book, my shell hardens, and I care less. But because it pays my bills, I still care.
You may think I'm crazy. I mean, even as I type it, it sounds crazy to me. But it's the truth. If you're hoping to be published one day and love Goodreads and sharing your opinion with the world, if you want to say, "whatever, that's nuts," feel free to go on rating books as you wish.
But don't say I didn't warn you."
This is why I'll never waste any more of my time reading Cyn Balog's books--by the way, this book is basically unreadable which is why I couldn't finish it. If she thinks the people who write negative reviews have too much time on their hands she should take a long (honest) look in the mirror. Girlfriend has way too much time on her hands if she's looking at individual star-ratings and then checking out each reviewers average rating, and then (sadly) making a comparison. Really? She's really doing this? So depressing.
Also, I'm depressed by all the other egomaniac authors who supposedly check their goodreads star status and then get all sad when they discover their work isn't universally loved.
This really happens? Ugh. Sounds like another group of people has entirely too much time on their hands even though they're 'starving artists' singing for their supper. And we're supposed to believe all these authors have some sort of blacklist? Bahahahaha--that's really funny.
Cyn, you don't like bad reviews? I've got a little advice: instead of getting on goodreads you should spend your time writing; take your writing to the next level. Don't get on the internet and cry about your goodreads star-rating. And, for the record, it's not negative reviews that ruin sales, it's lack of reviews, lack of word-of-mouth; lack of advertising that ruins sales--it has to be said: it seems your publisher doesn't even try to market your stuff. Just saying.
I know a lot of people who will go out of their way to read a book after reading a negative review just to see if it's really as bad as the reviewer said it would be. I know people who will read a book, regardless of negative reviews because the book cover makes it sound so good, or the cover was so blasted beautiful, or just because the book is EVERYWHERE (example: Fallen by Lauren Kate). ...more
**spoiler alert** I wanted to love this book; to read it over and over until my head exploded. I tried to love it, even after page 360, and my complet**spoiler alert** I wanted to love this book; to read it over and over until my head exploded. I tried to love it, even after page 360, and my complete disappointment of Jacob imprinting--on Bella’s mutant baby, no less. But I kept reading because I just knew that Stephenie was going to make it up to me.
The more I read the more difficult it became for me to finish. I am ashamed to say I endured the torture ‘til the bitter end--and, oh, was it bitter! Or rather, so sickeningly sweet it caused me to throw up in my mouth a little. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about happy endings but not at the expense of a good plot.
Breaking Dawn could have been a pretty good ending to an okay series. To say I am disappointed with this book doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel. In all honesty, this book ruined the entire series for me. I no longer have the desire to pick up any of the other books--which I quite liked at one time. There is no way I could read them again now that I know the ending is so ridonculous (rE-D'on-kU-lus; Adjective, used when the word ridiculous just isn't enough).
This book started off okay, with Bella angst-ing about having to drive a flashy car and getting married at such a young age--Classic Bella, am I right? But after the wedding and even the majority of the honeymoon, things went downhill. Bella, pregnant? Really? But, I was willing to forgive that particular plot twist even though it defied Mrs. Meyers canon about vampires. And she never said it wasn’t possible for a human to get pregnant after having sex with a vampire, so I simply shrugged my shoulders went with it.
I’ll admit that I liked the Jacob chapters, despite the fact that Edward offers Bella to Jacob so long as Jacob can convince Bella to abort the abomination that they’ve created with Edwards magical vampire sperm--Edward was watching his 'true love' die and it was torturing him, so of course he lost touch with reality. Totally understandable (although completely icky as well) so I hand-waved that. Forgave it. I started getting aggravated when Bella was totally drawing Jacob back in (unbeknownst to us, the readers, it’s only because she’s pregnant with his future bride. More about that atrocity later) and setting him up for more heartbreak--classic selfish Bella that we love to hate.
I really hoped that Jacob would find the ability to move past his love of Bella on his own. I don’t know about anyone else but I am getting sick of the I-cannot-live-without-you kind of “love” (more like freaky obsession) that has been going on in these novels. It is actually possible to heal from a broken heart and, you know, MOVE ON!
It seemed as though Stephenie was going to have that happen, that Leah and Jacob might deepen their friendship and discover that they actually care for each other. But that would erase Jacob from Bella’s life and we couldn’t have that. No--Jacob gets to imprint on the abomination that is Renesmee. Lucky him! Now Jacob doesn’t actually have to work to heal his broken heart. Oh, and of course, lucky Bella for not actually having to sacrifice anything. Three books full chalk full of Bella's fears, about having to give up all her human relationships, was really all for not (I hate you Bella Swan-Cullen. And I really hate Little Brown Books for screwing me out of all that money).
Now on to the delivery of Renesmee: WOW, talk about a joyous occasion! What with Bella vomiting a--I kid you not--'fountain of blood'; the breaking of bones (Bella's back was snapped); the c-section preformed with Edwards mouth (yes, I just said MOUTH); little Renesmee--who, creepily enough, is actually born with a full set of teeth--gives new meaning to the words 'breast feeding', and mama flat lining after all was said and done. It really is too bad they didn’t get the whole thing on film.
Renesmee, hmmm…where to start? I’m not even going to touch the subject of her name with a ten-foot-pole. I’m just going to say that the way she’s described in the novel sounds more like the Bride of Chucky instead of some super cute baby. All the rapid growing, blood drinking and mind-melding was in no way endearing, it was weird.
Considering that the romance was non-existent in the last 3/4 of this novel, it totally lacked in cute Bella and Edward moments. All we got was not-sexy, kinky, tantric, vampire sex that had the potential to go for days, or even weeks (yes, Bella actually thinks about that being a possibility). YIKES AND...JUST YIKES!
Isn't it just super great that Bella gets to keep Charlie in her life? It proves that you really can have your (disgusting blood) cake and eat it too. I love that the sheriff in town doesn't even want to know anything about the vampires in town--unless, of course, it is entirely necessary. Which, I'm sorry but when a huge group of vampires descend on the area 'round about, I'd say that's a need to know basis. But does anyone tell Charlie? No. Apparently ignorance really is bliss.
Oh, and I loved how Renee, Bella's mom, just disappeared into obscurity. She didn't even call when Bella was supposedly in lockdown with some deadly Brazilian disease. Seriously though, when did Renee go from being the overbearing mother who would FREAK OUT about not hearing from Bella every day, to one who couldn't care less what the crap happened to her?
The epic battle was more like an epic failure. The whole book was building up to the fight in the woods and then nothing happened. Talk about anti-climatic. I found that I was just as disappointed as the Romanian vampires were. The only casualty was Irina and it's not like she was important enough to be broken up over.
Despite the fact that I am a huge Jacob fan, I would have been okay with him dying to protect the little monster he'd imprinted on. I mean, JK Rowling killed DUMBLEDORE for crying out loud. Stephenie could have killed just ONE of her precious characters. By doing so, she would have been able to breathe some life into this flaming pile of garbage.
And it seemed to me that by avoiding a fight the Cullens just woke a sleeping giant. Based on the conversation they were having after the "battle" it seems to me that they knew the Volturi were going to come back and attempt pick them off one-by-one. Wow, talk about a victory! But why worry when Bella has mad vampire skillz? Am I right?
Worst line from this book: "Goodbye, Jacob, my brother... my son." *dry-heave* *shutter* *cringe* *shutter*
The last few pages when Bella lifted her "shield" for Edward, so he could read her mind, wasn't all that bad. I kind of liked that part, to tell you the truth. I also liked learning more about Leah Clearwater (in the Jacob chapters). In all honesty, it was the rest of the book that was full of fail.