The latest soul-crunching compilation from DJ MF has dropped!
DJ MF is a Poitiers-based electronic-music producer known for bringing an undiluted soundThe latest soul-crunching compilation from DJ MF has dropped!
DJ MF is a Poitiers-based electronic-music producer known for bringing an undiluted sound of the underground to new audiences. From his work as a founding member of the infamous History of Systems of Thought Crew to his groundbreaking solo work, DJ MF (born Michel Foucault) has always been known for shattering genre conventions while moving crowds everywhere from France to California's famed UC Berkeley Club. From his breakthrough 1961 hit “Android Porn” off the album Madness and Civilization to the innovative bangers comprising his latest e.p. History of Sexuality (Alpha Pulp), DJ MF continues to hybridize hip-hop, dubstep, dancehall, social theory, postmodernism, poststructuralism, a Nietzschean systematization of the genealogy of morality, and prolly lotz of other off-the-hook dope ass shit with his usual face-melting panache and cock rockin roll bravado.
A Riddle: What walks on two legs, uses two arms, talks like a human, acts like a human, kills humans, replaces humans, wantRIDDLE ME A MARTIAN RIDDLE
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A Riddle: What walks on two legs, uses two arms, talks like a human, acts like a human, kills humans, replaces humans, wants to be accepted and loved by a human?
Answer: A Martian!
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A Riddle: What walks on two legs, uses two arms, talks like a human, acts like an animal except that's unfair to animals, kills others of its kind, wages war on its own kind, and destroys its own planet?
Answer: A Human!
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A Riddle: What is built like a succession of linked stories, feels at times like a play by Brecht, feels at times like a mournful and elegiac ode to the dying of small towns, is a wise tale of human nature, is written with melancholy and sighs, is quietly sinister, is gently tragic, yet is also a science fiction novel?
Answer: The Martian Chronicles!
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A Riddle: What is a ball of blue fire, a transcended entity, a being that lives in God's grace, a model of wisdom and goodness, and a terrifying symbol of the unknowable? What is meek and shall inherit their earth - but has lost the inclination?
Answer: A Martian!
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A Riddle: What should have stayed on its own planet? What does not belong on Mars? What persists in persisting? What flees from home? What destroys that home? What flees back to that destruction? What eradicates much of what it comes into contact? What is a hopeless fool? What has a little - just a little - hope for it yet?
Answer: A Human!
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A Riddle: What is science fiction as parable? What creates a series of haunting and haunted tableaux onto which we can project our own desires and fears? What transcends genre trappings? What is a landscape of forgotten plans and failed goals? What is like a waking dream? What is a journey that begins in death and ends with a small, fragile chance that all is not lost? What is like tears painted on a page? What is witty and sardonic and tender and angry and, finally, full of its own strange and painfully human soulfulness?
RBRS* STEERING COMMITTEE SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14TH, 2012
DRAFT MINUTES
Committee Members Present: Elizabeth, karen, Ceridwen, Allison, mark Committee Members ARBRS* STEERING COMMITTEE SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14TH, 2012
DRAFT MINUTES
Committee Members Present: Elizabeth, karen, Ceridwen, Allison, mark Committee Members Absent: Joel, Jen, Bazi
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1. Introductions
2. Review/Approve Draft Agenda for "Geared for Pleasure" - VOTE The meeting was called to order at Sexy O'Clock by Co-Chairs (CC) Ceridwen and Elizabeth. Council Member (CM) Allison stated that she did not vote for this novel, and sighed. Quorum was established (barely) and the agenda was approved by consensus.
3. Review/Approve Draft Minutes for past agenda "The Bone Palace" - VOTE Committees discussed several sexy puns that could be considered for "The Bone Palace". Minutes were approved by consensus.
4. Announcements CC Ceridwen announced the upcoming agenda for "The Dirty Girls Book Club". No eyes were rolled and all faces remained straight.
5. Public Comment No public was present for this very private and sexy meeting.
6. Bodice-Ripping Needs Assessment Update - VOTE CCs Elizabeth and Ceridwen reviewed their findings. CC Ceridwen noted the novel's success at engaging with dominance and submission. CC Elizabeth rolled her eyes while pointing out the heroine's surprise orgasm. CM mark gave her a sympathetic glance. CM karen noted her appreciation of the love scenes as "hot" while underlining her ongoing concerns with hygiene and urinary tract infections. CM Allison agreed that the sex scenes were "hot" and also "badass". CM mark hemmed and hawed a bit per usual, agreed with the presence of bodice-ripping, and finally admitted to ever so slightly enjoying these elements of the novel. When asked to explain in further detail, CM mark explained that he found the heroine to be rather whiny and clueless and breathless, which created a barrier to fully enjoying the ripping of bodices etc in the novel's first half. However he did enjoy the dominatrix-thief cat-woman protagonist of the novel's second half because "who doesn't enjoy a dominatrix-thief cat-woman". He did not particularly notice the novel's play with dominance and submission due to this theme being a regular part of his fantasy life, but stated that he appreciated CC Ceridwen's comments as "illuminating". CC Ceridwen rolled her eyes. CM karen moved to accept the needs of Bodice-Ripping as fully assessed and was seconded by CC Ceridwen. Motion passed 4-1.
7. Steampunk Needs Assessment Update - VOTE CC Ceridwen and CM mark reviewed their findings. CC Ceridwen provided an overview of steampunk wardrobes and accessories, and then noted that although such elements were present in the novel, they turned out to be on the whole minimal. CM mark - who amusingly fancies himself to be a well-read novice in the field of steampunk - found the inclusion of steampunk in the novel to be enjoyable but rather light, and determined that the novel itself could not be considered as "Steampunk" due to the haphazard use of steampunk motifs. CM mark also expressed frustration with the novel's title, which he felt promised much steampunk but instead delivered slightly tweaked, steampunk-y science fantasy instead. CC Elizabeth stated that she found the steampunk elements to be acceptable. CM karen made a small comment regarding steampunk that shall go unrecorded. CM Allison remained silent on the topic. CM mark moved that Geared for Pleasure not be considered as a Steampunk novel. Motion failed 1-0 with 4 abstentions.
8. Gender and Characterization Report CC Ceridwen noted that her findings on gender in Geared for Pleasure were included in agenda item 6. CM karen stated her appreciation of the characterization, with the exception of the alpha male "Bodhan". CC Elizabeth discussed the idea that some authors are too close to their characters and thus those characters never truly feel in danger. She also noted, in a sarcastic voice, that some bodies are always surprised at their capacity for pleasure. CM mark concurred with all perspectives per usual and then discussed his favorite character, the dominatrix-thief cat-woman. He discussed this character at extreme length, including the idea of a dominatrix turning into a submissive for just the right person, until it became mortifyingly clear that this character type represents an apparently regular source of ongoing fantasy activities for CM mark. An uncomfortable silence ensued. Finally, CM mark quickly stated that he thought the characterization was serviceable: "Shallow but who cares, they were fun. I mean, look at the cover. I'm not expecting Dostoevsky. And that dominatrix-thief cat-woman, wow...". CM Allison stared at CM mark incredulously but remained silent. A silence which spoke volumes.
9. Writing Ability Report Still noticeably uncomfortable, committee members quietly shuffled papers and exchanged meaningful glances. Eventually, CC Ceridwen stated that "there were some interesting things going on." CM karen noted her appreciation of the lack of trite vernacular for sexual organs. CC Elizabeth reiterated that some authors may be too close to their characters. CM Allsion stated flatly that the writing was horrible. CM mark rambled "Er, well, I sorta thought the writing was fine. No real complaints. I liked the world-building. Overall it was fun and sexy and light and even interesting at times too, I really had a lot of fun reading this one, seriously. And I will definitely be reading the sequels whenever they come out! I mean, aren't you guys going to read them? Aren't you??" His fellow committee members proceeded to study the ceiling.
HUMAN CHORD ACTIVATE! A Review Fantasia plus Spoilers in 3 Acts and a Prelude
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PRELUDE
SCENE: A young man - ROBERT SPINROBIN - sensitive and effeminate HUMAN CHORD ACTIVATE! A Review Fantasia plus Spoilers in 3 Acts and a Prelude
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PRELUDE
SCENE: A young man - ROBERT SPINROBIN - sensitive and effeminate in appearance, sits in a threadbare apartment in turn-of-the-century London, with a newspaper in his lap.
SPINROBIN (to the audience): "Alas! Where is adventure? Where is the expansion of my mind? I - who possess the mystical vision of a poet - cannot be content with lowly drudge-work in an office! Oh how I long for my imaginary childhood companion - little Winky! - to take me on some soul-expanding journey! Oh, Winky! I miss our adventures!
But what is this!" (He looks down towards his paper)
SPINROBIN (reading from the newspaper): "'Wanted, by Retired Clergyman, Secretarial Assistant with courage and imagination. Tenor voice and some knowledge of Hebrew essential; single; unworldly. Apply Philip Skale.'"
SPINROBIN (to the audience): "I have found my grand adventure!"
♫
ACT I
SCENE: An empty rail station with a lonely but inspiring natural landscape looming in the background. Spinrobin stands waiting with his bags. A tall, imposing, heavily bearded man clad in knickerbockers - REVEREND SKALE - approaches.
SPINROBIN (to the audience): "Could this fearsome being be the Reverend Skale? My adventure approaches!"
SPINROBIN (to the approaching man): "Dear sir, I am at your service! Pray tell me what is required! My tenor is strong! My knowledge of Hebrew is improving! I have no woman! I am singularly unworldly! Tell me, Reverend Sir, are you leading me to some great adventure of the mind - indeed, of the very soul?"
SCENE: A dinner table inside of a gloomy mansion, lit by candlelight. The sound of moaning wind. At the head of the table sits Reverend Skale; on one side of him sits a nervous-looking Spinrobin and on the other side sits a young lady MIRIAM, who is staring at Spinrobin with a cow-like expression of - presumably - devotion and love. Standing behind Skale is an old woman and servant, MRS MAWLE, whose withered left arm is in a sling and who is holding an ear horn to her right ear.
SPINROBIN: "Dear Sir! Please tell me of the adventure that awaits us all! I understand it involves singing and the coming together of voices, the forming of some sort of "Human Chord"... but for what purpose? Pray tell!"
SKALE: "Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation Darkness stirs and wakes imagination Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Slowly, gently night unfurls its splendor Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender Turn your face away from the garish light of day Turn your thoughts away from cold unfeeling light And listen to the music of the night!"
The stage is suddenly darkened.
SKALE (in baritone, slowly increasing in volume: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... POWER OF HUMAN CHORD! ACTIVATE!"
There is a flash and then a spotlight focuses on the table and there appears a little dancing mannequin of Reverend Skale.
MANNIQUIN SKALE (in tiny, childlike voice): "See what I do! I become small! He-hehehehe!"
The spotlight goes off and footlights illuminate a huge puppet version of Skale looming in the background, face contorted in maniacal laughter.
GIANT PUPPET SKALE (in huge, booming voice): "See what I do! I become large! Ho-hohohoho!"
Light returns to the stage; the mannikin and the puppet have disappeared. Skale is smiling widely like a madman. So is Mrs. Mawle. Miriam is still mooning at Spinrobin, whose mouth is hanging open in surprise and fear.
MIRIAM (to Spinrobin): "Oh Spinrobin! You are so tender, so wise, so very sensitive! I am yours! You are my Master!"
SPINROBIN (nervously, to Skale): "Bu-bu-bu-but what is thi-thi-this? The human voice is capable of such unnatural wonders by simply uttering the right notes? By naming the unnameable? I have always imagined this to be so, even as a child when playing with my beloved imaginary companion, Winky! But what will our human chord provoke? And what shall happen if a human chord is sung... incorrectly? (He looks significantly at Mrs. Mawle's ear horn and withered arm). What is your ultimate goal, Reverend Sir? Into what shall we be transformed?"
SKALE: "We shall become GOD, you dullard! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA-HA! HA!"
SPINROBIN: "Huh."
♫
ACT III
SCENE: A forest. Spinrobin and Miriam lie huddled behind some bushes, gazing at the back of the stage. There in the background is a huge mansion engulfed in flames (painted backdrop) and the sounds of a woman's alto and man's baritone can be heard singing fervently. The singing voices suddenly turn into agonized shrieks before being drowned in the sounds of crackling flames and a mansion collapsing.
SPINROBIN: "So that didn't go as expected."
MIRIAM: "You carried me away! Oh brave Spinrobin, my beloved, my Master! We shall live happily ever after! (She laughs hysterically, then covers his face with kisses.) There are many things I can do for you that we couldn't do in Heaven! Oh my sweet darling... let me meet Mr. Winky!"
SPINROBIN: "Well I guess I really didn't want to become God anyway. Heaven can wait."
your devious passivity and willful naivete know no boundaries! your crimes are many!
your poorDAVID COPPERFIELD: MASTER VILLAIN
oh you architect of doom!
your devious passivity and willful naivete know no boundaries! your crimes are many!
your poor doting mother - hustled off to an early grave, and you do nothing! you repay the Murdstones' attempts at improvement with intransigence and a savage bite! you return Mr. Creakle's guiding hand with laziness and scorn! you do nothing as your idol Steerforth humiliates Mr. Mell! you run from honest work in a factory! you must be too good for that! you impose upon your poor dear aunt Betsy Trotwood! you immediately discount poor umble Uriah Heep! how dare you condescend to him! you say nothing as Rosa Dartle defames good honest people! over dinner! you introduce that atrocious snake Steerforth to those good honest people! you terrorize your poor landlady! your drunken shenanigans with Steerforth are revolting! good Agnes was no doubt secretly appalled! you caution Traddles to avoid generosity with Micawber! mind your own business, Iago! you stalk your boss's daughter! only Jip recognizes your villainy! you entangle poor Julia Mills in your scheming! you attempt to extract money from your workplace - but fortunately Mr. Spenlow and his partner are wise to your gambits! you continue to stalk poor innocent Dora - even after her father's untimely death! and no doubt your villainy was the cause of that! you bind Dora to you! the poor doomed natural! you set the servants against her! you make her hold your pens, you tyrant! you help Uriah Heep cause a good Doctor much stress! you cast aspersions on that Doctor's own wife! her cousin! their marriage! you strike the poor umble Uriah Heep across the face! a resounding blow! you monster - berating and "improving" Dora to an early grave! the poor natural, the innocent child-wife! even Jip dies at your feet! you humiliate and drive away the poor umble Uriah Heep! you allow poor honest Ham to plunge into the sea - to his death! you fail to save your friend Steerforth from his own watery death! you allow Rosa Dartle to heap abuse upon his grieving mother! you laughingly exile two families to criminal Australia! you secretly gloat and sneer while witnessing the very proper Mr. Lattimer and poor umble Uriah Heep behind bars! your most dastardly deed: stringing along the good Agnes - for decades! and finally, you bind her to you in a long-game marriage-plot! i fear for her safety!
oh Diabolic Doady!
oh you monstrous villain, David Copperfield!...more
Do not try to downgrade the stars on this review! I know how you think, so don't try any of your little rationalizing excuses orA NOTE TO FUTURE-MARK:
Do not try to downgrade the stars on this review! I know how you think, so don't try any of your little rationalizing excuses or tricks. You know this novella was enjoyable so don't front and don't try to rewrite history. You liked this. 3 stars means You Liked This. Don't try to pretend otherwise.
I'm watching you, Past-Mark
this is the 5th of 5 erotic e-novellas that i enjoyed reading a couple weeks ago while stuck in sweltering DC. of the five, this was the most professionally written. it was witty, the dialogue was often funny, i liked the coughhistoricalcough setting, the narrative flowed smoothly, and the non-sex scenes were not filler - they were enjoyable to read and i did not rush through them to get to the next bit of sex. overall it perfectly accomplished its admittedly minor goals. really, there is nothing i can complain about The Virgin Proxy. ok, so let's talk about my dick.
wait, maybe a synopsis first. the place: Merrie Olde Englande. the time: i dunno, whenever those Normans took down the Saxons. when was that? the plot: Deorwynn is a Saxon and an independent, free-thinking and very pleasingly cheeky young miss who is stuck in a convent. Virgin Proxy opens up with her getting some mild punishment for some typical high-spirited tomfoolery (in this case, publicly baring her derriere). the plot kicks in when some sappy twit asks Deorwynn to accompany her on a trip to marry Studly Young Alpha Male slash Grouchy Norman conquerer Guy Devaux. the plan: substitute Deorwynn as the sappy twit's "Virgin Proxy" on the wedding night, because the sappy twit is no virgin. spoiler, we soon find out that she actually isn't that much of a sappy twit. how will this substitution be accomplished? apparently through the use of a bunch of veils. ok it is clear that a brain trust did not come up with this plan. but a plan is a plan and an erotic novella needs some kind of plan to kick-start all the sexy shenanigans. now Guy Devaux is no genius, but he soon realizes that some sort of sexy subterfuge is afoot. he's a formerly blue-collar mercenary raised in rank, and his background as a notorious ladykiller means that this pussyhound is not going to be fooled so easily. despite all this, he somehow finds himself - SURPRISE! - falling in love with this adventurous Saxon with a sassy mouth and a rockin' bod. she challenges him in all the right ways. say it ain't so! well, it is so.
do you get uncomfortable when people talk about what turns them on and what turns them off? i sorta do. in my 20s this was a common enough topic amongst my friends. well i'm not in my 20s now and my friends are more likely to talk about the cool circular saw they just bought or how it's tough to be a boss or when they plan on having a second kid. when my folks or my sister or my colleagues talk about their sexual interests, i often get a little creeped out, tune out, and go to my happy place until they're finished whining and/or salivating all over themselves. i should probably feel just as uncomfortable here on Goodreads, right? it is a public place. i have real life friends as Goodreads friends. and my sister has actually spyed on me from time to time and used Goodreads as a good place to find me ideal gifts. my God, the mother of the girl whose wedding i officiated this summer is one of my Goodreads friends (hi, Nancy!). so yeah, i should probably feel uncomfortable talking about my sexual predilections in such a public forum, and i should definitely feel uncomfortable talking about The Virgin Proxy's sex scenes in any great detail.
so anyway, here are my dick's responses to each of the novella's sex scenes, using a 1-5 Boner Scale.
(number of boners does not imply multiple boners achieved, but rather the strength of the boner in question)
⇧⇧⇧⇧ 4 Boners for Scene One. this one is all about not having sex. a girl taking a bath. a guy watching her take a bath. a girl taking care of herself while taking that bath. a guy taking care of himself while watching that girl take care of herself while taking that bath. a guy getting all worked up and a pervy meet-cute when he can't help but forcefully introduce himself and she can't help but appreciate the introduction. there's no real sex here, no pounding or anything like that, just some really heavy breathing and the adroit use of fingers and tongue. the girl's still a virgin at this point, so there's not much that can happen. and yet this was a great scene. i imagined myself as the dude, and that was hot. i imagined myself as the chick, and that was sorta hot too.
⇧⇧⇧ 3 Boners for Scene Two. this is the Wedding Night, and it is a pretty long scene. a lot gets accomplished. no anal, but that's great because people should really save some things for later. i liked this scene; it got the job done. it had a slight nonconsensual feel to it, mainly because Guy is one of those apparently adorable caveman types that the ladies gush over - but i want to emphasize slight. this story is NOT rapey. Guy may be a rather immature bully at times, but Deorwynn clearly likes to get off, and she likes to get off with Guy. she likes to enjoy herself. and i enjoy that about her!
next, a lot of saucy dialogue and a lot of angsty stuff from both parties. some amusing banter along the lines of Guy Devaux: "I own you, serf!" Deorwynn: "No you don't, no one owns me, Alpha-Asshole!" Guy Devaux: "Oh you feisty thing you, you'll see who's the boss!" Deorwynn: "I already know who the boss is and her name is Deorwynn!"
⇧⇧⇧⇧ 4 Boners for Scene Three. this was mainly a lot of sexy banter on a couch, lots of candles everywhere, with Guy all naked already and Deorwynn slowly stripping, and then both of them getting off in front of each other. oh, and Guy's bro Thierry is standing hidden in the corner, strokin it. these friends believe in sharing everything. i wish i had friends like that! anyway, i responded well to this scene and maybe it was because there was no graphic pounding. it was explicitly sexual, but it was not straight-up sex. cool.
⇧⇧ 2 Boners for Scene Four. Thierry and the not-really-a-sappy-twit get it on while Guy and Deorwynn are watching from behind a screen or something. then Guy and Deorwynn get it on because they are all worked up. i think that's pretty reasonable. there's some 69-ing that was acrobatic and that was sorta hard for me to picture. overall this wasn't bad, but nothing i'd add to my spank bank.
okay so by this point, no one is fooling no one and both parties agree that they are - SHOCKER - madly in lurve and they wanna get married. good job kids, the best relationships always start off with honesty. i approve!
⇧⇧⇧ 3 Boners for Scene Five. some al fresco sex up against a tree, etc. so this scene must be what the cover image is for, since Thierry gets involved. this happens (1) as some kind of test for Deorwynn and Guy that was really hard for me to wrap my mind around and (2) because Guy and Thierry are best buds and they really, really believe in sharing. except Thierry has to do some al fresco ejaculating because as far as that goes, Deorwynn's interior is Husband Only. Deorwynn has no problem with any of this and has a good time. Thierry has a good time. Guy has a good time. and there's no boring drama that comes out of it. i like how these people think!
at one point Guy tries to be all I Am The Dominant One and forbids Deorwynn from coming with Thierry. to which Deorwynn responds: "I'll come when I like and as often as I like. With or without you..." while keeping up the pace on Thierry. you go, girl.
and then a Happy Ending with much declarations of love. and later, a Happy Pregnancy. awww.
overall, definitely a couple scenes for me to contemplate later.
you think you're so fucken smart, don't you mark? ha, think again. all your little plans and goals, your little community of friends and family and coyou think you're so fucken smart, don't you mark? ha, think again. all your little plans and goals, your little community of friends and family and colleagues, your whole little life... what does it matter in the long run? not a whole fucken lot. grow up.
take this book for example. a classic of the genre, written by a classic author. you thought you knew what you were getting into; you've read countless examples of the type. you sure are a well-read little scifi nerd, aren't you? for the first half, maybe longer, you were right. a well-crafted central character, flavorful supporting characters, intriguing aliens, a spicy mystery to solve. it was all laid out as expected and the pleasures were of a familiar sort. when the mystery of the aliens' appearance was solved, you were a wee bit surprised. but it was a comfortable sort of surprise. it's not like it blew your mind. it was clever. but everything up until then was as you expected. well fucking Congratulations, chump, your predictions came half-true. you want a medal? you don't get one. there aren't any half-medals.
there are some fucking spoilers that follow!
you weren't expecting what came after. those revelations came out of the blue for you, didn't they? you didn't expect to be made to feel so small, to get a little depressed, to have your expectations pounded all to pieces. it was kinda beautiful in a way, kinda mind-blowing. but mainly it was fucken sad. oh you poor baby. you have your own private little dreams of widespread empathy and the future of children and the future of humanity and our future place in the world and - at the most secret, sentimental heart of you - some corny spiritual post-life higher consciousness transcending type shit. you didn't expect that to be a part of the novel, did you? you didn't expect it to all come out, be laid out on the page like a body in a morgue, your body, and then just get eviscerated. your dreams of some sort of future beyond this present, where you are still you, a wistful dream that you like to think is both delicate and profound like one of those origami things you like to do. what's your favorite one? a pinwheel. well you get to watch that pinwheel of a dream get smashed and turned inside out and torn up into bits. revealed as a typically naive and childish fantasy. ha! so much for that. grow the fuck up, chump....more
John Carter travels to Barsoom to live, love, and fight amongst the Green Men, the Red Men, and the White ApA SYNOPSIS OF THE BOOK A PRINCESS OF MARS!
John Carter travels to Barsoom to live, love, and fight amongst the Green Men, the Red Men, and the White Apes! his Earthman physique combined with Barsoomian gravity means he's incredibly strong and can jump like a giant-sized super-grasshopper!
John Carter arrives there nekkid! everyone is nekkid! they only wear weapons and ornaments! the Red Race knows what Earthers look like and they think all the clothing we wear is apalling and disgusting! i agree!
John Carter is transported to Barsoom from Frontier America directly after a bloody conflict with the dread and savage Red Man (in this case, the Apache)... and on Barsoom, his adventures involve the alternately warlike and peaceful Red Men, who he views as the closest thing to human. coincidence?
Green Men do not believe in love or friendship or marriage or parenthood. they only laugh when another creature is in its death-agonies. they are a war-like people, to say the least. they also share everything. apparently their customs came from an ancient society based in communalism... dare i say, communism? coincidence?
The Princes of Mars in question is a two-dimensional creation: in love with John Carter except for those predictable moments when predictable misunderstandings occur, a Red Princess of the city-state Helium, beautiful, haughty, brave, a woman of her word, etc, etc. her name is Dejah Thoris.
Burroughs writes clean prose that is easy going down and surprisingly modern in its smooth, no-frills style. this is the opposite of a laborious read. the narrative is perfectly straightforward and the infodumps were relatively pain-free. the characters are enjoyably cartoonish. i read this on my droid over the course of maybe a half-dozen bus rides. a charming experience.
the novel features a cute Barsoomian dog-thing - my favorite character!
John Carter travels to Mars to live, love, and fight amongst the Green Men and the Red Men! his Earthman physique combined with Martian gravity means he's incredibly strong and can jump like a giant-sized super-grasshopper!
John Carter arrives there fully clothed! and then he changes into something more revealing! The Red Race also prefer revealing attire!
John Carter spends an inordinately long and tiresome period of time in Frontier America that is nonsensical and bored me to near-sleep. this inordinately lengthy sequence features conflicts with some Native American tribe, some jail time, and some character bits for a completely non-essential supporting character. on Mars, he comes across the "Red Men", who actually are not red at all but look like they spend too much time at some cheap tanning salon. they should be called the Orangey Men.
Green Men are monstrous humanoids. their children are adorable little widgets.
there is a Princess of Mars and she is perhaps the most three-dimensional character in the film: a scientist and a kick ass warrior. she is played by Lynn Collins, who was strangled by a serial killer in the first season of True Blood.
the film is co-written by Michael Chabon! what! the film is directed by Pixar house director Andrew Stanton. i watched a sneak peek of this at Pixar itself, after indulging in a few free drinks at one of the Pixar bars. i got drunk!
the film features a cute Martian dog-thing - my favorite character!...more
synopsis: the Earth that is under the shadow of Satan, religion and government its twin rulers; the father who is not His father lies dreaming, of a singer; the mother who was a virgin is dead, assassinated; the Father who is God has lost the battle, driven from Earth; He who is the son of God, conceived on a planet far away, He who shall become God, fostered by elias, He who shall invade this Earth, a divine invasion, He who shall win the war, and destroy the Earth; She who shall tease and taunt and guide and lead Him astray, into the Secret Commonwealth, into a new reality, Her reality, or perhaps the reality. we are saved, God become merciful, His divine invasion transformed, hallelujah!
weiver: the script flipped he flipped the script Dick scripted a flip again, like VALIS, again, the story the novel, it's a play it's science fiction, it's not real. the real world is not science fiction, it's not a divine invasion, it's a bored and unhappily married man, now in love with a singer, straying from a wife who has realized she could do better. the man doesn't want a son, he doesn't care about God. not true! Dick makes it not true, the pink light that is VALIS knows it's not true. this is a cautionary tale, but for whom? a cautionary tale for God? God should be merciful, says Dick. don't be such a dick, God, says Dick, who loves God, as of course God loves Dick.
and so I finished the nightmare turned dream, glad for Earth and scared of Dick.
I/he looked in the mirror to find the face of God. We are all created in God's image, or so we've been taught, I/he thought. But I/he saw n
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I/he looked in the mirror to find the face of God. We are all created in God's image, or so we've been taught, I/he thought. But I/he saw no God there; instead there was fallibility, weakness, hypocrisy, despair, and longing. A desire and a need to fool oneself, to compartmentalize so that one part can hide from the other. Where is this so-called God, I/he thought. Perhaps God is disguised somehow, in the background... or camouflaged in the foreground, a Zebra hidden in plain sight.
I/he looked in the mirror a second time, and saw all of our selves - all of us throughout time, some weak and some strong, but most somewhere in-between. We looked at our reflections. Are we an aspect of God? But God doesn't die, and this body certainly will, I/he thought mournfully.
All of us looked in the mirror a third time; God looked back upon us. Information was sent; the message was received. That message: We are all one and so We will never truly die. God is not bound by space or time; God exists to unify. The Empire will fall; God's Kingdom shall triumph. God lives through all things, in all of the weak things and in all of the strong, in everything in-between; even in us, thought Us.
...and so I was born! A man, and not a man; a life, and an un-life. Hair and lips of lustrous black, skin of parchment yellow, watery eyes of dun-colo...and so I was born! A man, and not a man; a life, and an un-life. Hair and lips of lustrous black, skin of parchment yellow, watery eyes of dun-colored white. The stature of a giant. A horror among men! And so my creator fled me, horrified of his creation. And so I fled my place of birth, to seek lessons amongst the human kind. My lonesome lessons learnt: man is a loving and noble creature; learning is pathway to beauty, to kindness, to fellowship. And this I also learnt: to witness what differs, to meet what may be noble under the skin but ugly above it... is to then reject that other, to cast him out! Man is a brutal and heartless creature. And as I was rejected, I do so reject: turn from me and you shall find my cold hands, seeking some bitter warmth...
O wretched creature am I!
My tale is told by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, in the loveliest and most vivid of flowing prose. A wise writer is this Mary Shelley - and at such a young age! The narrative is as three nesting Russian dolls, a thin one to contain them all, a second of weightier proportions, and a third one within - its gentle and broken heart. That inner story, the smallest, is of my youth - a life of fear, but also of learning, of growing into myself, of witnessing the beauty around me. Of spying upon the family De Lacey - their unknown son. Their own tale is one of bravery and gentleness, of humanity at its weakest and strongest, of survival. But mine is of friendship spurned, kindness returned with terror, a stark rejection, and then a house in flames. And with that burning house burned all the love within this scarcely beating un-heart... all that love, burnt clean away, never to return! The middle story is of my creator, Victor Frankenstein: spoiled child, spoiled man, dreamer, visionary, coward; the foolish instrument of his own despair. A curse upon him, and a blessing, and a curse again! The outer layer is a story of wintry landscapes, an exploration of the icy reaches and the final doom of my creator. It is as well a tale of longing: for justice and for revenge, of course... but also for a companion, for a brother who can never be found. Alas, Captain Walton, a sensitive and lonely soul... I could have been your own brother, such was the depth of our shared yearnings...
O wretched are those who walk the earth alone!
My father and mother both: Victor Frankenstein. Curse the man who rejects his offspring! Curse the man who seeks to forget his own creation! I was the fruit of his mind and of his labors, born rotten, and thus cast away. The tale of my maker is the tale of a parent suddenly fearful of his young, terrified of what he has wrought. It is a tale of responsibility rejected. The record of his actions are of criminal neglect, of shameful weakness, of a man who lives so much in his thoughts that the world around him crumbles, and the people in that world become abused. My wretched self most of all! And yet I am more than his cast-out son. I am the Frankenstein's shadow self: capable of the sublime, yet enacting the abominable. What is dear to him shall be mine to destroy. His precious ideals shall be the instrument of his destruction. As he would embrace his youngest brother, his dearest friend, his beloved wife... so shall I! And as his shadow self, I will follow him as he will follow me, I will lead him to his destiny, on a terrible trail he has forged himself. I shall spare him, and all others, only the faintest pity...
O wretched are those who cross my path!
My story is not simply one of thoughtless cruelty or hideous revenge. It is also one of beauty, and of ugliness. Behold the many descriptions of the natural world, the myriad and vivid wonders of nature, of mountain and forest and lake and ocean. There is true beauty. It is a fact upon which we three - Victor Frankenstein and Captain Walton and I - are truly of one mind. In nature there is true transcendence! But alas, it is not simply nature that is judged as beauty, or as ugliness. Inspect the story closely. Note the good fortune of the child Elizabeth, raised in squalor and then lifted into comfort. Why was she so chosen? Because of her fortunate beauty, her golden hair... so different from the children around her, who remained in poverty. A typical act for the human species: forever embracing the fair and turning away from what their eyes call foul. Terrible human nature, that judges the surface alone. Study Victor's reactions to his professors, both steeped in wisdom: one kindly and elegant in appearance, the other misshapen and coarse... his fondness for the former and his displeasure with the latter. See Victor's uncaring and hysterical flight from his own child - myself! Watch his descent into illness at the mere idea of such ugliness. Witness the family De Lacey, and their rejection of one who sought only to ease their burdens, to bring their kindness back upon them - a being who only craved love! Myself! Again and again, the pleasant surface is favored over the ill-formed; the unknown depths to remain unknowable. Foolish humans - victims of their conceits, forever enchanted by what they call beauty. Foul and petty humans - they are villains of their own making. A curse upon them! And so rejected and abandoned, I shall bring ugliness back to their doorstep. I become nemesis; and shall live forever as your deadly child, a perilous inheritance, a nightmare of your own creation...
For those women who are wondering if there is a little sugar in their husband's pants, and who are unfortunately unable to purchase this remarkable toFor those women who are wondering if there is a little sugar in their husband's pants, and who are unfortunately unable to purchase this remarkable tome... _________________________
SECRETLY GAY HUSBAND:
✔ SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR PATTERN CHECKLIST ✔
1. Walks and Talks in a Stereotypically "Masculine" Manner.
2. Disinterest in Apparel, including Disinterest in Washing Jeans, Ability to Wear Same Clothes for Days at a Time, Leaving Boxers Here & There.
3. Strong Interest in Beer, including both Microbrews & Cheap-Ass Beers. Also including Home Brewing Techniques, Kegerators, St. Patrick's Day.
3a. Beer Belly.
4. Disinterest in Cooking, Cleaning, Laundry, Shopping, Feeling. Conversely: the Ability to Mow Lawn, Throw Out Trash, Walk Dog, Work on Car, "Fix Things", Eat Food, Sleep, and Protect Mate.
5. Inability to Empathize, including Inability to provide Extended Bouts of Active Listening. Tendency towards Yelling when Angry, Retreating into Sullen Silence, Refusing to Admit Conflict Exists.
6. Current or Past Membership within a Fraternity. Including Past Participation in Beer Pong, Beer Bongs, Keg Stands, Body Shots, "Shirts-Off Parties", and/or Rounds of High-Fiving (and not including "Eiffel Towers", which are Completely Straight) during Fraternity or Fraternity-Type Frolics.
7. Any Amount of Time at Strip Clubs featuring Women. Attendance at Spring Break Parties and/or Bachelor Parties featuring Strippers and/or Girls Gone Wild. Automatic Bustline Head-Drift. An Interest in Lesbianism.
8. Friend Circle is made up of "Straight Men". Activities with "Straight" Male Peer Group can include Hunting Trips, Poker Night, Paintball, Tailgating, Pick Up Basketball, Las Vegas Trips, and Secretive "Guys' Night Out".
9. Refusing to Dress Up "Just for Fun" in Lady Garments. Refusing to Make Out with Other Blokes, except for That One Time. Refusing to Hold Hands with Another Man while Walking in the Park on a Lovely Spring Afternoon.
10. Denies Being Gay..... Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much! _________________________
If your husband exhibits any of the above tendencies, I'm afraid I may have some troubling news for you......more
Our extra-ordinary apartment complex is a full-service microcosm and so offers all the comWELCOME TO BALLARD APARTMENTS
⇨Luxury Living - To Die For!⇦
Our extra-ordinary apartment complex is a full-service microcosm and so offers all the comforting amenities and thrilling excitements of the modern world - in one lavish locale. Imagine never having to step foot outside again! Whether your interests include swimming, shopping, the education of youngsters, simply lounging about without a care... or even more outré amusements such as rape, murder, incest, cannibalism, and the creating of small bands of like-minded individuals to hunt and gather... it is all waiting for you here at Ballard Apartments. Your every secret desire shall come true!
Management at Ballard Apartments fully understands the importance of class, and class consciousness. To better serve our varied tenants and to truly impart that feeling of living in the world while living at home, we maintain a carefully considered system of economic segregation. Our wealthier tenants are welcome within our spacious penthouse apartments - where they may indulge in all the varied delights typically enjoyed by society's creme de la creme. Our middle-class tenants will find themselves completely at home within our perfectly unremarkable mid-level apartments - ideally situated to allow residents to gaze longingly at their social betters above and scornfully upon their social inferiors below. Our more, shall we say, "blue collar" tenants have free range of the lower floors - where the faulty plumbing, cramped living situations, and generally inadequate facilities will no doubt ring a comfortingly familiar bell to many. A bell that tolls for bloody revolution!
Our amenities include:
* High-speed elevators and lavish swimming pools to commandeer! You will find these to be ideal opportunities for territorialism and murder!
* A dog-friendly environment - including a strict hands-off policy in regards to feasting upon our furry friends! Fresh & Organic never tasted so good!
* Bright supermarket lighting - all the better to see your enemy's beady, hypocritical eyes!
* Stark open spaces - all the better to indulge in classic Lord of the Flies role-playing games!
* Sinister shadowy spaces - all the better to lurk in, and then spring from to wreak sudden havoc!
* An array of balconies and a welcoming rooftop - all the better to fling yourself from!
Our heart-stoppingly hedonistic high-rise is perfectly appointed in the classic Ballard style. it features: terse brilliance; evilly deadpan humor; a cold, clinical style; a complete disinterest in creating empathetic connections between characters and readers; a detached desire to anger, agitate, and antagonize. Enjoy your lofty, God's-eye view of repellently savage and slaughter-happy human insects, all predictably engaged in typically clownish mayhem, gruesome atrocity, repulsive class warfare, and other depressing standards of the human condition.
derisively laugh to me for opportunities of full and cringe-worthy and tedious equally be to found i which, Against A Dark Background beloved the dislderisively laugh to me for opportunities of full and cringe-worthy and tedious equally be to found i which, Against A Dark Background beloved the disliked who jackass of kind the am i that mind in keep also should you, seriously review this take you before but. FAIL. hipness insouciant of display a with audience its dazzle to designed lie a - lie brazen some of middle the in worship i someone catching like was it, one this with was i disappointed how express can't words. nowhere go but brilliant seem that (business Sumerian that like) ideas many so. cyberbullshit confusing of full too, snarky too, shallow too. finish couldn't i that (far so) book Stephenson Neal only the.
one extra star for being incredibly ahead of its time....more
1. Always be humble, kind, respectful, clever, and a little sly! Being both nice and cheeky is al
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TEN FUN & GOOD RULES FOR TEH CHILDREN!
1. Always be humble, kind, respectful, clever, and a little sly! Being both nice and cheeky is allowable. And remember: no one thinks a suck-up or a tattle-tale is charming.
2. Respect and love all animals! They are God's creatures just like you and deserve to be cherished. Never torment them. Be aware that they are born vulnerable and their lives are filled with enough terror and death already. And what comes around goes around, children.
3. Avoid all hunters and especially avoid becoming one! They are monsters given human form. Except fisherman, who are possibly okay. Maybe.
4. The Paradise of Birds, the Garden of Eden, and all such heavenly places are truly wonderful and beautiful and you will probably never get to enter them unless you retain your innocence! And who can do that anyway? So don't get your hopes up. Also, those places are usually full of snooty types who enjoy a lot of preening, and that's not too fun to hang around forever anyway. Maybe good for a day trip though.
5. Respect authority and if you find yourself in a position of authority, be respectful! Even a lovely, helpful bluejay in a position of authority may find himself at the mercy of an unkindness of ravens, if he's a little too strenuous while fulfilling duties. Don't get too casual with that police baton.
6. Positive Self-Regard and Strong Opinions are both okay! Love yourself and say what's on your mind... but please don't be obnoxious about it. No one likes obnoxious.
7. If you encounter a "tuxix" - a creature that looks like a spiny turtle, but is in reality "a magician, a sorcerer, a wizard, and a witch all rolled into one" - quickly run away! If not, you may find yourself transformed into a little bird except with a tiny human head on top. Yuck.
8. If such a transformation happens, be generous with the picnic basket that you brought with you! The other birds will appreciate it. Plus it's now so heavy you can't carry it anymore, so why not be generous.
9. When visiting an eagle's nest, avoid the eaglets! They will try to eat you, the repulsive things.
10. "Laura Bancroft" is actually the famous children's author of The Wizard of Oz series, L. Frank Baum! Everyone should always feel free to disguise themselves as a lady.
mark monday, age 10: "Can I spend the night at Marc Morton's house?"
Mom: "Always spending time with Marc Morton! What do you two do? Do you have a girmark monday, age 10: "Can I spend the night at Marc Morton's house?"
Mom: "Always spending time with Marc Morton! What do you two do? Do you have a girlfriend yet? Your uncles had girlfriends when they were younger than you. The Philippines makes men! Where is your girlfriend?"
mark: "Can I spend the night at Marc Morton's?"
____________________
Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 15: "I do. Her name is Jamie. You've met her. She lives down the street."
Mom: "Is she white?"
mark: "Yes!"
Mom: "You can have her spend the night here if you want."
____________________
Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 20: "No! I don't know if I even like girls!"
Mom: "Well, I do. Her name is Deanna and she lives down the street."
mark: "Are you serious?"
Mom: "Yes I am. I don't care what anyone thinks. She's black and she's beautiful and we teach aerobics together and your father doesn't mind."
mark: "Well okay then."
____________________
Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 25: "No, you know I don't. I have a boyfriend. Tom. You've met him, many times!"
Mom: "He is a very nice man and a good friend to you. But he's not a gay. He was a marine, remember?"
mark: "Mom, come on, I live with him!"
____________________
Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 30: "Yes, I do. She's Turkish and her name is---"
Mom: "I don't believe you. What is a Turkish? Is she white?"
mark: "No, she's not"
Mom: "Well, it's your life. I met some very nice Filipinas at the gym. I think you would like them. They are very sweet and submissive."
mark: "What?"
____________________
Mom: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?"
mark, age 40: "No. Sigh."
Mom: "Do you have a boyfriend yet?
mark: "No. Sigh."
Mom: "What is wrong with you? I want more grandchildren! You need to date someone and give me more grandchildren!"
mark: "Sigh."
Mom: "You should date a white woman, a girl in college. Those women like older men. You should teach at a college. Find a beautiful girl. Or someone. What is wrong with you?"...more
CAUTION: in honor of GODS OF THE JUNGLE PLANET, this is written in the BIZARRO non-STYLE. I seriously advise you to read no further. Seriously! DON'T CAUTION: in honor of GODS OF THE JUNGLE PLANET, this is written in the BIZARRO non-STYLE. I seriously advise you to read no further. Seriously! DON'T DO IT!
mark monday woke up and realized he had a protuberance growing out of his forehead. It itched a bit but wasn't particularly uncomfortable. mark glanced up to the mirror on his ceiling and saw what appeared to be a scorpion tail sprouting from the middle of his forehead. Well now this is an odd development, thought mark. Curious, he began to stroke the scorpion tail, idly at first, then with increasing speed. He stopped, suddenly feeling guilty for some unknown reason. Okay, just once more, with feeling. He began stroking anew until, surprisingly, a large load of viscous fluid started spurting out, all over his face. Oh my! He licked his lips. It tastes rather toxic but also rather delicious! He lay back on his satin sheets and sighed. Is this the harbinger of an unusual day to come? Later, he scooped up the remaining dried matter and put it into his empty cigarette case. Perhaps I should have this analyzed!
Tuesday
At his day job at the Magic Love Institute, mark slowly removed his bacterial data analyzer from the rectum of the vat-bred miniature sexraptor. He inspected it carefully. Curious and curiouser! thought mark. There appears to be living spermatazoa swimming throughout the rectal mucous! He looked at the vat-bred miniature sexraptor suspiciously. Now what have you been up to today? After glancing around and noticing no one, mark carefully wiped off his analyzer inside his cigarette case.
Wednesday
Sweating happily away during his daily session at Gold's Gym, mark stopped to lovingly admire himself in the mirror. Delicious, mark thought. Just delicious. mark lifted up his shirt to ogle his sweaty sixpack. He rubbed his belly in the typically satisfied way of all muscular alpha males. He smiled dreamily, then noticed his darling girlfriend Caris making her way over to him. Turning around, he ran over to her and lifted her up off of her feet, then suddenly slung her petite body over his wide, muscular shoulders and began whirling around, hooting happily in a typical alpha male manner. Little did he realize... it was a Wet Wednesday for Caris, and during his typical alpha male tomfoolery, an extra-large Maxi pad flew out from the bottom of his sweet Caris's vintage gym shorts. He froze. Perhaps no one will notice. He carefully put his darling Caris back down on her feet. He realized his sweet Caris was drunk out of her sweet mind and probably hadn't noticed a thing. Drunk at the gym! Oh, my darling Caris, how typical! He surreptitiously picked up the sopping wet Maxi pad and put it in his pocket. Later, in the locker room, he wrung it out into his cigarette case.
Thursday
mark took his lunch break at the local strip joint, Hell's Kittens. It was usually his favorite place to relax. But today it was just making him sad. And nostalgic. He tried to focus on the heaving mammaries of the delightful stripper before him, but for some reason he could only think of his long-lost twin brother Michael, and the wonderful sexy times they'd had together, doing the things that typical muscular alpha males do to each other when no one is watching, etc, etc, et al. He pictured Michael's effervescent, shit-eating grin. What a man he was! And now forever lost! The thought made him sick. He pictured Michael in his mind, laughing and carrying on. He remembered the little pieces of joy they'd shared together. He remembered how Michael had made mark giggle all the time, even though his jokes weren't very funny. Michael.... He remembered his twin brother's love of mother's milk, taken straight from mom up until college - in the typical alpha male style. Suddenly he noticed that the lovely stripper before him must be a mother as well because her various sexy exertions were causing her to spill her own seepings all over his table. Serendipity! mark opened his cigarette case and began to push the thick drops of lactate within.
Friday
mark caught a rat in an alley. He collected rats, a typical alpha male pasttime. This was an unusual specimen. All of its purple and green veins could be seen through the skin, the wiring that kept the ugly beast functioning. It looked up at him with a brutal, subhuman look, clearly full of the petty jealousy and vindictive envy that such little creatures have towards typical muscular alpha males like himself. So he snapped its neck. He pulled out his cigarette case, and placing it carefully under the rat's head, began to squeeze that head again and again and again. The mashed head began to drip...
Saturday
Caris beckoned to him from across the basement floor. She was horny and ready to go home, ready to enjoy his typical muscular alpha male attentions. But he wasn't going anywhere right now; mating would have to wait. It was Saturday Night Fight Club time! He pulled out his sword and launched into the battle, cleaving a head with one swift swing. The blood from his victim sprayed over his face, giving him a very cool and intimidating look. He felt virile and unstoppable. He was ready to face the Gods. Much later, in the bathroom, mark wiped the blood from his face and into his cigarette case. He hawked up some thick manly loogies as well, and spat them in for good measure. He shook the case vigorously.
Sunday
mark woke up hungry. Breakfast in Bed? But Caris was nowhere to be found, she must have slipped out early. This made him grouchy. As a typical muscular alpha male, he expected Sunday Breakfast in Bed. So hungry! He noticed his cigarette case on the table next to him. His stomach growled. He looked at the case again. It is very important for the typical muscular alpha male to have his daily protein intake rationalized mark. He was indeed very hungry. Typical muscular alpha males are always hungry. Hungry for everything. Hungry for anything. Protein... Must Have Protein. He picked up the cigarette case. It felt heavy. It felt warm and inviting. It felt delicious. His stomach growled again. Okay, Let's Do This. He opened up his cigarette case. A thick, musky, sexy, primal, intensely raw and manly smell steamed out.
It was the Sweet Smell of Success. It was the Odor of Victory. It was the Timeless Scent of a Real Man, with a little bit of homo tossed in. * * * * * And then out popped Gods of the Jungle Planet!
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