Stephen Colbert is the highly entertaining comedian that has been mocking Republicans relentlessly at every turn. Not that they don't kind of take theStephen Colbert is the highly entertaining comedian that has been mocking Republicans relentlessly at every turn. Not that they don't kind of take themselves seriously and could sometimes benefit from a good mocking.
I can say this because I'm not a liberal either. I'm Australian. I have no vested interest in American politics. You know what I do have a vested interest in? Funny.
Now, I generally find John Stewart funnier and I appreciate Colbert's moronic, dead-pan Republican act. I just can't take it for too long because then my brain starts to hurt.
Which was probably my downfall in reading this book. Colbert obviously knew that the schtick was going to get old and so peppered the book with many, many amusing images and captions. As a writer and reviewer, I would never do this.
[image] Never!
I still struggled after a while. This book really belongs in the hands of a die-hard Liberal American. Those are going to be its readership because they're going to be the ones that enjoy every joke and twisted piece of logic.
As for me, meh. I agree with the sentiments but as long as no nukes get launched, I can't say that I care much what America does with its politics and therefor couldn't keep interested in the book....more
Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side is an imaginative, immersive (when will the world realize this is a word?) tale of the struggles of a pair Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side is an imaginative, immersive (when will the world realize this is a word?) tale of the struggles of a pair of teenage vampires against tradition, expectations and politics.
In a completely original storyline that we've never seen before...
[image]
Jessica discovers one day that she is not a normal teenager but is, in fact, a vampire Princess bound by contract to marry a repugnant, spoiled, aristocratic prince, Lucius Vladescu. He does not approve of her at all... at first.
[image] I swear, I'm not trying to draw a parallel between this book and certain movies... I just like the image...
Senior year for Jessica begins to pass by and slowly, both she and Lucius begin to change and accommodate each other as they learn more about each other and come to respect their unique qualities.
Then! Drama! Lucius uncovers a plot on Jessica's life and attempts to save her life by weilding the only weapon he knows...
[image] By becoming an emo...
Okay, so I'm being facetious. That all does kind of happen, and the book can be frustrating in that melodramatic regard. At some point, the people in this novel start consuming A LOT more eyeliner. Yet, on the other hand, it is also sweet and touching. The relationship developed between Jessica and Lucius is sweet and tender, awkward and rich. Lucius' personal growth and character development, until Emo!Lucius, is actually fascinating and complex.
This book is long with a plot that possibly could have been cut down but it was also pleasant to see how time in America was affecting pompous, stuffy Lucius and how he, in turn, was affecting Jessica.
Her personal growth was to discover through dressing well, that she is a powerful, attractive woman. This is the one part that I felt the novel failed at.
she never really comes into her own and stands as a pinnacle or tower of strength. Throughout this novel it is alluded to that she is growing stronger and more powerful as a person, coming into her own. Yet, the ending, which I won't spoil, only goes to show that she is still waiting on a man to make the decisions and have the power.
She's a princess! People depend on her yet, predictably, she's more interested in her love life than she is anything else. Her royal duties are nothing more than a way to get to the man she loves. She doesn't truly put any thought into being a monarch. It's frustrating to read. Apparently, we can be strong and powerful, but only over our bodies and self-esteem.
Overall, this is one of the nicer, better written YA teen romances. It's far from perfect and there are minor issues with plot and pacing. Still, it is more than readable and quite enjoyable.
Just like a certain movie that I won't admit to owning...
Quick question: how many Daleks does it take to conquer Neil Gaiman?
Answer: I don't know - since I am a blasphemous wench and have never seen a DoctorQuick question: how many Daleks does it take to conquer Neil Gaiman?
Answer: I don't know - since I am a blasphemous wench and have never seen a Doctor Who episode. Nor do I actually know what a Dalek is and what it does.
To add to my nefarious ways, I'm also not a Gaiman fan (though not for lack of trying!)
Clearly, whilst I am a scifi fan - I'm not the RIGHT kind of scifi fan!
It's rather like two Star Trek fans meeting on the street:
"So which episode of Enterprise is your favourite?" The first Trekker asks the second.
"Oh, I only like Voyager and Deep Space Nine!" The second Trekker quickly replies.
"I challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" screams the first Trekker, whipping out a Bat'leth, spittle flying from his mouth as fury transforms his features into something alien and cruel.
Then they slap each other around for a while before going home.
[image] One to write Spock and Kirk slash fiction and the other to masturbate to pictures of Jeri Ryan
I truly believe you have to be the right kind of scifi fan to enjoy Gaiman to his fullest and unfortunately, like two strangers forced to interact occasionally, we just don't quite mesh together.
I really enjoyed Stardust. Say what you want about Gaiman (no really, I already do) but he is a master of whimsy with a great imagination. Stardust has all the likable aspects of Neverwhere whilst managing to have a main character who is not a whiny, little annoying bitch! I was actually quite fond of this novel!
Still, not a four star read from me. Having the story so heavily reliant on a magical fairy market, surprisingly similar to the one in Neverwhere lost some points with me. Of course themes can reoccur across novels but there was just too many tried and true mainstays of the fantasy genre in this book to really make it original and four-star worthy.
As I've also found with other Gaiman novels is that he invests a great amount of interesting detail and depth into side characters, almost effortlessly, yet his two protagonists generally seem to lack the same treatment.
Sure, Tristran and Yvaine grow and change. Sure they're definitely heads and shoulders better than a lot of characters written these days. But there's something vague and incomplete about them, their relationship together and decisions. They're still more puppets than characters and a great deal of Yvaine's character growth occurs off page.
Some kind of explanation about the little man, the flying caption etc would have been nice as well. This was never expounded upon in the story.
Over all, I enjoyed it. Not a perfect read, not a bad read either, but an enjoyable read.
However, like the question of who would win: Neil Gaiman or the Daleks - well, I'm just ambivalent about the whole thing, really.
Clearly I'm the wrong kind of Scifi fan.
[image] Or maybe I'm the right kind of scifi fan... who's to say?
Dark Needs at Night's Edge is a modern, more intensely paranormal version of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.
[image] Rex Harrison: making ghosts sexy since 194Dark Needs at Night's Edge is a modern, more intensely paranormal version of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.
[image] Rex Harrison: making ghosts sexy since 1947.
It is, to date, my absolute favourite book in this series. Not that it's really had that much competition.
So far it stands against an abductor, rapist, Sebastian/Kaderine who rock, and Bowen/Marie who don't.
Conrad, a bloodmad and vicious vampire, is captured by his three brothers and trapped in an old mansion to help recover his sanity. Néomi, a 1920's Prima Ballerina (and former Burlesque dancer) currently haunts said mansion as this was where she was violently murdered.
[image] Burlesque, aye? I like her already!
Of course, the sexually confidant, lively and brazen ghost is the perfect partner for virginal, uptight and angry Conrad. Their seduction and romance is, for most of this novel, based on their attraction to each other and telling each other every little thing they would do if only they could touch.
Néomi absolutely made this novel for me. She was so confidant in her sexuality, so proud of her achievements, so full of life! Conrad's inability to be the typical alpha male with her was also just SO damn refreshing. He couldn't push her around, bully her or trap her. And when it came to wooing her, he couldn't just take her for a walk on the beach or start kissing her.
The creepy atmosphere created at the beginning of the novel, as well as the slow burn relationship build between Néomi and Conrad, separates this book from a genre which is all about waiting for the next titty grap or alpha male bullshit that is supposedly romantic.
This book would have absolutely gotten four stars from me if the ending weren't a little contrived toward HEA. The first 90% of this book was so well written, so romantic, so lovely that I was absolutely enchanted. Spoiled only in the last 10% by Cole bending over backwards to give us a "perfect" ending.
If you never pick up another Cole novel because you are afraid of the romance industry mainstays of the ultra masculine male and the stockholm syndrome suffering female, then at least feel confidant that with Dark Needs at Night's Edge, Cole did something nicely different....more
I have a scientific curiosity about romance readers. I want to probe them like rats in a cage.
[image] Don't worry, I'll be gentle... if you want me to.I have a scientific curiosity about romance readers. I want to probe them like rats in a cage.
[image] Don't worry, I'll be gentle... if you want me to.
What do they like about these novels? What characteristics appeal to them? What is the common denominator in a successful romance novel? Can I boil it down and make a formula.
Quality of foreplay X chemistry / sexual tension over time (grading scale being >50 for way too early, =80 for perfection and around 100 for aggravating over-tension, otherwise known and "Oh, FFS! Just do it already!")
But then you'd have to add in other complex formulas for likability of both the male and female protagonists (completely separate formulas), balancing action and ridiculously contrived plots with heaving bosoms. When I began on my complex mathematical studies, I had no ideas it would be so difficult to boil down!
[image] You mean there's more to it than this?
I enjoyed this novel because it confounded quite a few of my formulas. Also, it may as well be retitled Kat and Mr Kennedy if They Lived in Paranormal Romance World.
Kaderine is cold and emotionless (see where the similarities begin?) until she meets Sebastian who despises his life as a vampire. Unable to kill him, she runs and he chases her.
Now, what COULD have progressed was a tale of an alpha male chasing down his woman until she finally relented, realized how much she wanted his gorgeous body (and all appendages) and finally succumbed to her Stockholm Syndrome.
What progressed was Kaderine spending 95% of this novel kicking ass and not ONCE being whiny or pathetic. What progressed was Sebastian discovering that he could not control, dominate or cage Kaderine because she would never love him that way. What progressed was him realizing he wanted to help her achieve her dream because he cared about her and loved her EXACTLY the way she was without even trying to take her away from her family, her life or her passions.
Finally.
A relationship dynamic that DOESN'T make me feel slightly queasy.
This novel was pretty good. It almost manages to wipe away the bitter memories of A Hunger Like No Other and in my opinion, the characters, action and story are infinitely better.
Cole has JUST convinced me to keep reading. If it hadn't been for her loyal fans then I would have ditched her halfway through the first book. She should pay them money. Lots and lots of money.
[image] Like, enough to buy each of them one of these. ...more
This ARC was provided to me by Candlewick Press for the express purpose of reviewing. I wasn't paid for this review.
Although, you know... if you WANT This ARC was provided to me by Candlewick Press for the express purpose of reviewing. I wasn't paid for this review.
Although, you know... if you WANT To pay me, guys, I wouldn't complain or anything...
[image] Cause if someone doesn't start, I'm going to have to look at moving to California...
Anyway, my GR Super Friend Against Evil, Tatiana, reviewed this book and gave it two stars. Usually, Tatiana and I tend to agree on books so I wasn't expecting much.
And to be honest, if you're anticipating an action-packed sci-fi with a million cool gadgets, cyborg antagonists and laserbeams attached the heads of sharks, then you're going to be seriously disappointed.
Sheehan's novel isn't about the Scifi so much as scifi is the platform she uses to address a far more SERIOUS issue than how many Starfleet officers it takes to change a lightbulb. Instead, her novel is about child abuse and in this regard she has done a brilliant job.
And not the child abuse to common to public awareness either, like the kind of child abuse that has children removed from their parent's care. This is emotional child abuse. It is insidious, difficult to prove and invisible to most of society. Most children hide their abuse from others in order to protect their parents and usually only come to accept that they're abused much later when it is far too late to help them do anything but pick up the pieces.
So the world building of the novel is not well-visioned or executed but I consider this to be periphery to the actual point of the novel which is how changing technologies are exposing children to different and new forms of dangers.
[image] Like Cyborg babysitters... Though that would open new movie options for remakes like, "Don't Tell Mum The Cyborg's Gone Berserk On A Killing Spree!
Rose, initially, infuriated me as a character. Weak, with no self-esteem and discernible personality, I soon softened as I witnessed her journey. It was a journey that I felt was strongly reminiscent of a victim recognizing their abuse, placing the proper blame on their abusers and restarting their lives. A process that is much more difficult than most people would realize and I felt that Sheehan's portrayal of these steps, and Rose's struggle with them was both touching and realistic.
Most of the secondary characters were well-built, though not entirely perfect. I understood Sheehan's reasons for romanticizing certain characters but felt it was superfluous to the friendships and personal-growth that Rose was already struggling with.
There is some action in this novel and I felt the ending was extremely satisfying, keeping intone with the spirit and themes of the story.
Over all, I really enjoyed this book. It almost brought me to tears twice. Which, you know, is a shame I didn't actually cry since my tears are more valuable and magical than unicorn tears.
First of all, I would like to thank Iyah for recommending this book to me based on the fact that she believed me to be extremely perverted, I think.
YoFirst of all, I would like to thank Iyah for recommending this book to me based on the fact that she believed me to be extremely perverted, I think.
You know sometimes how you guys have to remind me to give a book a star rating because I accidentally forget? No. Not this time. I won't rate this book. I CAN'T rate this book.
This book is so many conflicted things. Filthy, dirty, shocking, perverted, angry, degraded, frustrated. It's raw, honest, painful, sorrowful, empty, begging, pitiable.
I hated it. I loved it. I despised it. I forgave it. I understood it and yet reviled it.
This is not an easy book to read. This is not a satisfying book to read.
I hated Daniel. I still do and I always will. He is an abusive, perverted, violent, selfish, megalomaniacal monster.
But whilst I will flat out say I hated every character in this book, Daniel is the exception. He's the exception because he's the only one I hated for every word on every page with every part of myself. The other characters I hate because I love them, if that makes sense. I hate Sarah because I wanted to steal her away and heal her. I hated Jamie because he wanted to do the exact same thing and he failed. I hated Mike for various complicated reasons.
Maguire doesn't go easy on you. She softens nothing, gives you no ease, no satisfaction. She doesn't want to. She tells a tragic, painful story and spares no details. Her writing is as violent, unpredictable and changeable as Daniel and Sarah's "love affair".
Reading this novel was not about love. I didn't love this novel. More like I read this novel for the same reason that Daniel and Sarah were together. Some kind of sick, irredeemable compulsion that wouldn't release me and that I felt helpless to stop.
Fortunately, unlike Daniel and Sarah, I'm strong enough to stop.
I got so damn sick of people recommending this book to me. "Sheesh, peeps!" I'd say to myself if I were the kind of person to use the word "Peeps".
"II got so damn sick of people recommending this book to me. "Sheesh, peeps!" I'd say to myself if I were the kind of person to use the word "Peeps".
"It's $12.69, peeps! I can't afford that!" some alternate universe version of myself would exclaim.
Out of sheer desperation for something to read, I finally buckled and bought it. You know what? I don't totally regret it.
Firstly, I have the most massive crush on Charley. She unequivocally made this novel. She has more personality than a Jung and Briggs typology test.
PI is a popular occupation in the PNR world, so it's hard to rise above that to create an original story that stands out. A lot of what Jones has done here is highly reminiscent of other PNRs/UFs - but it's in the fun characters and interesting story line that Jones' story really shines.
That's not to say it's perfect. For starters, I never felt that there was a huge climatic moment that caused me to sit on the edge of my seat. Because Jones was always so confident and blase about the actual mystery, the action had risen, climaxed and settled in with a good cigarette while I scratched my head and asked, "Is it in yet?"
Then there's Reyes. Okay, Reyes is both a problem and an excellent addition to the book. The problem, mostly, is that he is largely non existent making it difficult for the audience (me) to empathize with Charley's obsession and desire. He just kind of comes around, she claims he gives her orgasms and then doesn't say much. I felt so disconnected to this aspect of the story. Having said that, I loved the IDEA of Reyes. Because, had there been more to his night time visits, had Jones not used up all her personality quota on Charley, then I'm sure I would have loved him.
Jones seemed to spend more time selling the reader on the idea of Reyes. "Hey look, what a great person he is. Here's a story about how he tragically looked after his sister. Here's a story about how lovely he is."
Then when you really meet him it's all monosyllabic grunts and poof! He's gone. I can't express how disappointed I was - because I honestly wanted to adore him. In the end, he was one of the most disappointing aspects of the novel.
In fact, when I said that the book lacked that climax - Reyes lacked it most of all.
I've been told this series gets good at book three. Someone else said book four. Another, book six.
I promised to read until book seven, and I will. BuI've been told this series gets good at book three. Someone else said book four. Another, book six.
I promised to read until book seven, and I will. But Harry is seriously, seriously shitting me.
Harry Dresden is a Wizard private eye who works largely with the Chicago police department's Special Investigations officer, Murphy.
He has the most over-developed Hero complex of any protagonist I've ever read, to the point of ridiculous. I'm almost wondering whether his subconscious is guiding him toward some kind of dramatic suicide which would make this novel more interesting if that were true.
[image]
Although, Dresden isn't the only infuriating character in this book. The plot follows roughly the same from last book.
Gruesome murders occur. Murphy calls Harry in. Harry begins investigating. Almost dies investigating. Murphy suddenly decides Harry is involved and likely a murderer and tries to arrest Harry. Harry evades police capture and embarks on a suicide quest to clear his name and stop more murders from occurring. Harry gets the shit kicked out of him.
Also, note to Harry: You're not chivalrous. YOU'RE A CHAUVINIST! Every single woman in these books is either seen for sexual purposes, or is trying to get involved in things over her head, or needs to be taken care of by Harry. If Murphy has to whack him over the head and tell him one more time to let her take care of herself then I just might help her bury his ass.
And I like that Murphy is strong and capable but she's also stupid, she jumps to conclusions and is WAAAAAaaaaaayyyyy too trigger happy when it comes to doubting Harry.
And Harry never gets rightfully annoyed that Murphy is so willing to jump to the conclusion that he's a vicious, lying murderer every five seconds. No, he's got to beat himself up. Then he has to beat himself up for not solving the convoluted mystery quick enough. Then he has to beat himself up if anyone gets hurt.
Harry, maybe it's time to take up a drinking habit or something... just a suggestion.
[image] At least he'll get a good tombstone.
The best thing about this book was the audio by James Marsters' narration. He did an amazing job. His voice was like honey. Every sentence was so delicious! I could just imagine him talking while chained to a bed and looking at me with smooky, delicious eyes... ...more
In case you're wondering, yes, I am thoroughly ashamed.
How can I possibly give this book more stars than Madame Bovary? It's disgusting. It's tragic. In case you're wondering, yes, I am thoroughly ashamed.
How can I possibly give this book more stars than Madame Bovary? It's disgusting. It's tragic. Worst of all, it doesn't even makes sense. I don't LIKE Historical Romance!
[image] C'mon, I DARE you to find something dignifying about this.
I don't like TIME TRAVEL Historical Romance! I don't like modern woman meets warrior Highlander Hunk. First of all, it's been done - so many times. Never as well as Outlander, in my opinion. And I swear, if life imitates fiction then you'd better brush up on your Scottish history because ANY timetravel that is possibly going to occur will not be used to better humanity or learn and introspect about ourselves. No, it's going to be used solely to transport beautiful women back in time to the Highlands to experience a whirlwind romance.
[image] Get in line, ladies...
And please note to any future Highland authors out there - Kilts were not invented in Scotland until 1725 and specific clan quilts weren't invented until the 19th century. Luckily Moning got one part of this right, in that Circenn wears a plaid, not a kilt (THEY MAY TAKE OUR LAND - BUT THEY'LL NEVER CHAFE... OUR BAAAAAAALLLLLLLLSSSSS!)
So I was dutifully informed by my harem of adoring lady-lovers that I should skip the first two books and I'm glad I did because I actually really enjoyed this one. Could it, should it and would it ever compare to the indefinable, unsurmountable, incredible Fever series? No, of course not and if you're expecting something quite as awesome then you ARE going to be disappointed. Circenn is no Barrons and whilst Lisa, who starts off making me roll my eyes, is no Mac, she is a reasonable female protagonist.
What saves this novel is it's interesting conceptualization of the time-honoured Highlander/Timetravel formula, mixed in with a strong, beautiful romance. It was very short of the time-honoured stays of the genre. Lisa doesn't get properly kidnapped ONCE. I know, I know. I was disappointed too. Nor is she ever threatened or almost raped, nor does she actually run away, faint, get lost, lose faith in the male protagonist for some blindingly stupid reason...
But you know what it's NOT short on?
[image] If you guessed "women playing flaming violins" then you're all out of luck!
That's right. Moning, who I have arbitrarily decided writes brilliant relationship couples, also keeps to her namesake. As in, this book will have you Moning.
The woman knows how to write sex. It's just all so satisfying!
And really, if you're reading these kind of books for any other reason, then you really need to re-evaluate your life...
[image] You may need to discover ANOTHER use for those fingers...
Modern society and a number of people seem somewhat confused about our ancestors. On one hand, they're dumbass peasants who attached BYOW (Bring Your Modern society and a number of people seem somewhat confused about our ancestors. On one hand, they're dumbass peasants who attached BYOW (Bring Your Own Witch) to their barbeque invitations. On the other hand, they sometimes imbue them with super mystical intelligence, class and abilities whilst bemoaning how stupid and uncouth we have become in comparison.
The Scarlet Letter allows us to judge that the reality was somewhere in between but mostly sitting on the side of pathological stupidity.
[image] And borderline sluttery, but we don't complain about that part...
The Scarlet Letter is one of those books they force children in American schools to read at gunpoint in an effort to "educate" them and to force otherwise useful knowledge out of those young brains.
[image] Precious, precious knowledge!
In fact, reading this book reminded me of why I'm so passionately vocal about education reform!
This book is pretty much everything wrong with our education system today. It is out of date, it's read pretty much consistently across the board whether it's applicable or not, and its lessons aren't entirely fundamental to today's society and what little value is to be learnt in this book, is better learned by other means.
The fact is that people are getting smarter. All the time. It may not look that way when Jersey Shore starts up on your television set, but it's true. And we're really too smart for a book whose object lessons are so comically out of date in today's society. This book deals mostly with issues that are no longer issues, and any moral lessons that might apply to life today are so badly translated that one must argue why this book is still circulating in the education system. This is why most high school graduates don't like reading, and mostly, don't like reading the classics. They think it'll just be more of the same as The Scarlet Letter.
So, please, if you are in school and your psycho bitch of an English teacher (remember: men can be bitches too!) is asking you to read this book, tell them their antiquated ideas of education are suppressing your self-actualized desire to learn in a mode that is both natural and effectual to one day becoming a valued member of society.
Remind them that reading old books a bunch translates to being educated about as much as placing said books on your head and hoping you absorb the knowledge through a form of psychic-osmosis.
[image] Or you could show them this picture and intimate through a series of eye-wiggles that this is THEM and you refuse to be a part of it.
If they argue, please feel free to tell them that I give you full permission to go read something that isn't a complete waste of your time.
Stuff White People Like may be misleading to some because, from the title, they'll expect this book to be about stuff that white people like.
[image] VStuff White People Like may be misleading to some because, from the title, they'll expect this book to be about stuff that white people like.
[image] Various white demographics weren't hurt in the making of this book.
This is not necessarily the fact. In Lander's own words (pulled indiscreetly from wikipedia), this book is "rather a stereotype of affluent, environmentally and socially conscious, anti-corporate white North Americans, who typically hold a degree in the liberal arts."
In other words: Hipsters.
And we all know that hipsters aren't technically people.
[image]
There are really only four responses that a white person could have to this book:
1. This book is so racist. I don't get my free-trade, tall, double venti, nonfat, soy-frappacino extra hot from my local coffee shop while I read poetry because I'm WHITE but because it makes me a better person (than you!) 2. Yeah, I kind of do some of this stuff. Sorry! I don't mean to be so white! I guess society has just impacted me that way until I subconsciously strive to be whiter through diversification. 3. This book is fantastic! I'm SOOOOO white! You never met someone as white as me! I do pretty much EVERYTHING in this book! It's hilarious! This one time, I was being white, at band camp... 4. Mavis! Gone get me my boomstick!
Stuff White People Like is part of an internet trend by popular blogs/websites in writing books based on some of the older content and integrating newer content. This tidbit will be especially useful to hipsters because they can go back and pretend that they followed the blog (before it became so popular and sold-out).
Like most books based on a gimmick, it gets very tiring. I read a good two-thirds of this book and fell asleep. While I was napping, a continuous stream of, "White people are happiest when girbersnooberwhacking together. This makes them feel superior to other people who don't know as much about girbersnooberwhacking. A way to exploit this is to read the first paragraph of the hypogrumpustootlebudge and insist your an expert on the details and that it is, indeed, superior and better for the environment."
When I still found that as interesting as the book, I realized that this book was just a little too long.
But if you look deeper, there is a poignant (I get extra white people points for using that word and for looking for a deeper meaning in a gimmick book) and eerily accurate portrayal of upper middle-class white culture - and not JUST hipsters.
My parents are NOT hipsters. My mother is hard-core Christian and my father is a right-wing (just not politically) professionally successful businessman. They are your upper middle class Australians living in a very nice, refurbished home in the middle of one of those desirable locales.
Yet they still fit a great deal of this book. They drove Priuses at the time that this book was published. They want to be more environmentally conscious, they have a nice house with a lot of cultural "focus points", they drink expensive wines and overseas liquors. They eat obscure cheese and they buy their vegetables, fruit and honey from the farmer's market and have their groceries delivered by Farmer's Direct. They go away to their holiday town and bring back lots of folksie oiled feta, quaint bottles of sundried tomatoes etc and high-quality cooking oils that they bought to support the small, local community. Then they are immensely proud of it all and boast about it while trying to appear not to boast about it.
In fact, the only white people who wouldn't find something kindred in these pages are the "wrong type of white people".
[image] Pictured: The Wrong Type of White People
I've heard the term "cultural currency" coined before and this book is all about that. How do you impress other white people, as long as they aren't the wrong type of white people? Well, actually, this book is a pretty good guide on how to do that. If you don't look hard at all, you can see it right here on GoodReads.
The ONLY reason I'm reading Madame Bovary is because:
a) It's got sex. b) It's a classic and I feel insecure for not having read more of these. c) Manny told me to.
The guy has a beard, he speaks several languages, reads books in those languages that I can't even effectively impersonate because I don't know enough about them and he's married to a lovely European woman. And that's only as much as I know about him! For all I know he could be drinking free-trade coffee right now and then I could be REALLY screwed. If his profile pic had an image of him wearing glasses then I'd be forced to elevate him to the status of White God. I have to give him the props because he has the cultural currency. He's out-whited me right from the start because it's PHYSCIALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to grow a beard!
[image] Okay, technically not true but I don't want to go into that!
The one thing this book doesn't do is provide an answer to all of this other than to understand it well enough to exploit it. Unless I'm considering opening up a co-op market or a specialized barkery then I really don't see that as an option. Don't even start me on the beard option that we've already dismissed.
So what's the answer to our lives, white people? Do we keep reading the Madame Bovarys of this world, pretending to understand them (or hate them because we understand them better than all those fools who like them because they don't understand them ENOUGH?). Do we listen to obscure music, drink water out of twist-top metal bottles and sneer at those who buy bottled water? Do we do all this all the while ignoring the fact that maybe we don't even LIKE obscure music but not knowing why we get the satisfaction out of listening to it?
Should we all examine ourselves a little better to try to be a little more nonconformist? Actually that was a trick question because that would be useless since cultural currency is all about being different and nonconformist in a better way!
I strongly feel the answer lies in a trashy Paranormal Romance and so I'm off to go read that.
This book is only really for those hardcore zombie enthusiasts.
[image] Your home should look like this
Unless you really, REALLY just love all things zoThis book is only really for those hardcore zombie enthusiasts.
[image] Your home should look like this
Unless you really, REALLY just love all things zombie, don't bother picking up this book.
I thought I loved zombies enough. I really did. Turns out I just don't cut the mustard.
This book is a detailed expose on Zombie anatomy, zombie weapons and zombie survival strategy.
My favourite part of zombie books, the part where people become zombie numnums, is unfortunately missing. And that's the thing. Is there anything that interesting about zombies if they're not eating your best friend and slowly breaking down your group morale? For me: no.
Another problem with this book is that it is incredibly region specific. Unless you live in Canada, North America or Mexico, a large portion of this book won't apply to you. Information about which specific guns kill zombies best is great but only for people who have ever seen a gun and can hope to do so again.
I've seen a real gun exactly once. Also, my survival options are different here in Australia then they are in America. America is a largish continent with over 200 million people in the northern part alone. Australia is a largish continent, slightly larger than North America and it has roughly 20 million people total. I'm fairly confident that I can slip off into the bush and go years without ever stumbling across a zombie.
Americans are in trouble and Japan is fucked. Royally.
Still, the lack of guns thing sucks. Though thanks to this book I went and picked up a crowbar today and I feel a lot safer.
Still, it's not a book I'd ever pick up again and for the most part it didn't have a lot of chewy flesh to keep me interested for long....more
Chloe Neill, popular Paranormal Romance author of Chicagoland Vampires takes a stab at the Urban Fantasy YA genre in her new book, Hexbound.
[image] NeiChloe Neill, popular Paranormal Romance author of Chicagoland Vampires takes a stab at the Urban Fantasy YA genre in her new book, Hexbound.
[image] Neill demonstrates that stabbing isn't nearly as fun as it looks.
Hexbound is the story of sixteen year old Parker, who is sent to boarding school by her elusive and myterious parents. Her new friend, Scout, is kidnapped by Reapers, magic stealers, to have her soul sucked out until she dies. The Enclave, group of good magic users, refuses to rescue her so Parker must amass whatever friends will help in order to get her friend back. While partaking in the rescue effort, her own magical abilities are sparked by a mysterious Reaper, Sebastian, who saves her life.
Sound interesting? Intriguing? Yes, unfortunately you don't get to read that novel because the story actually starts a week later when Parker is doing her Trig homework and painting her nails. Okay, I lie, she wasn't painting her nails.
[image] But that might have been more interesting...
So Parker has rescued her best friend and they're doing the usual. Homework, classes, hanging out in dank tunnels hunting things. It's all very apathetic and you get the sense that if the story doesn't care, why should you?
Oh no! The rat people are advancing on us at a rate of two feet per minute! Whatever shall we do? Oh that's right, our magic. Done. Let's go get kebabs.
Oh no! The hobo vampires who live in the pedway and camp out in unused offices are going to suck us dry while they style their repetitive emo fringes! Whatever shall we do? Magic! That will solve our problems! Except where to get a kebab at this time of night...
Then comes the Reapers. You'd think things would get a little more interesting and tense when their arch nemesis show up because they can do magic too. After all, why shouldn't things get intense? They want to suck out your life source and kill you. They kidnap you guys for their sadistic magic addiction. So you'd think when Parker and Scout trap two of them as they're sneaking into the school to do something predictably nefarious, that shit would get real!
No.
The Reapers get bound by invisible ropes and dumped just outside the school. Parker doesn't even knock them out because then the slimy rat people might get them.
I'm sorry. What? What part of evildoers trying to kidnap you and steal your soul do you not comprehend? Understand, they're not after your school spirit here guys, though you'll be mistaken for thinking that when you meet them. You're not even going to take them back to basecamp and interrogate them for information? You're not going to inprison them to STOP them from killing OTHER people? You're just going to remind them that they're on your turf and move on with your life?
Okay, your decision. All I'm saying is that if some peeps show up in my home and I catch them with the intention to kill my family and I... Well, I'm probably going to do something about it.
So besides the fact that this novel is painfully boring and nonsensical, there is the problem with characterization. It would be unfair of me NOT to pull Neill up for basically copying Mallory from Chicagoland Vampires and making her into a teenage Scout. They're pretty much the same person.
Every single character in this book is a shallow two-dimensional walking plank.
The brat pack are evil bitches with no redeeming qualities. Scout and Parker are incredibly cool with ever ready quips and zingers as if they're reading from cue cards and everybody who isn't evil loves them or is obsessed with them. Actually, scratch that, everyone is obsessed with them.
It's all so sickeningly perfect and at the same time interminably dull.
[image] Pretty much exactly like this
Which pretty much sums up this entire book....more
This is the third novel I've read belabelled Steampunk and so far it is the best.
Unlike Clare's rendition of Clockwork Angel, Brook's The Iron Duke doThis is the third novel I've read belabelled Steampunk and so far it is the best.
Unlike Clare's rendition of Clockwork Angel, Brook's The Iron Duke doesn't nervously flirt with Steampunk but wantonly embraces it like a Steampunk addict chasing after its next hit.
Similarly to Carriger's Soulless, The Iron Duke is heavy on romance though with far more satisfying love scenes and lacking in the supernatural, paranormal element.
No, Brook understands Steampunk and she executed it well, creating a world styled off 19th century England but with a rich and textured history. Don't be fooled by the confusing, awkward and clunky beginning. Brook didn't choose the best method to relay the backstory of Horde control and a mechanical population at odds with the wealthy elitists who refuse "nanoagents".
However, this confusing introduction is soon swept away by the fantasy of men with piston-operated arms, mechanical eyes, steel-plated sabre-cats, Krakken, air-ships, automatons and all the whimsy that a novel like this deserves.
The story may revolve around the romance of the two leads, The Iron Duke and Mina, an intelligent, cold, strong Inspector, but it also focuses heavily on the mystery and adventure aspect. It includes a full cast of interesting and rich characters, enough turns and twists to keep you guessing and different, textured environments to keep you turning the page.
The romance began, for me, as the weakest aspect of this story. The Iron Duke, Trahearn, Rhys or whatever you want to call him, is An Alpha with a capital A. In fact, he rarely deviates from the genre mainstay as the rich, capable, manly, intelligent person who is immediately dazzled and enchanted by the cold, resisting heroine. In fact, he was downright giving me Woodiwiss flashbacks.
[image] No! No! Please! No!!!!
You know who I'm talking about. The kind of RAM (Romanticized Alpha Male) who thinks No means, "You just haven't gotten me helpless and alone enough" and who eventually comes to hold dearer the heroine's continued rebuffs over any freely available blowjob. Every time I read one of these books, I can't help but think the writers are kidding themselves. Yes, your heroine is ewnique and special but if he can get it easier from a tavern wench, then why bother with the cold, frigid heroine? After reading that sentence, I'm kind of wondering whether I should have been born a man...
[image] The bar wench is easier, she comes with beer and she won't expect you to call her in the morning. What's not to love?
However, all is saved by the female protagonist, Mina. Two words: Kick. Ass. There is nothing stupid, helpless, ineffectual or ridiculous about her. She manages to get through the ENTIRE novel without making me hate her for existing. Which is what female protagonists having been doing to me a lot lately (*shakes fist at almost the entire YA genre). Not only that, but her competence and intelligence makes sense since she is, indeed, an inspector and she damn well acts like one. She pulls a gun if she needs to and she gets shit done all the while being professional, capable, yet realistic and... well, pretty damn relatable. Also, the sex. And don't lie and think it's not that important. It's damn important and Brook definitely delivers on that part. Which makes Mina's character that little more likable to me as she isn't the virginal prude. In fact, a lot of this novel was about her developing a comfortableness with her own sexuality, which I really enjoyed.
And as the novel progresses, Trahearn becomes more human and less RAM. I wouldn't say I ever truly warmed to him completely. He still remained pretty firmly in the RAM camp but Mina and his relationship with her was just so awesome that I managed to forget it. Maybe it's because he came on way too thick at the beginning. I don't find it sexy when a man corners me and kisses me against my will when I've repeatedly told him no. I didn't find it sexy in this novel either. In fact, Brook was a little too happy with this plot device and at a couple of points managed to make me quite annoyed with Trahearn. But then Mina shot him and I felt so much better.
[image] SOooooooo much better!
Over all, I felt the writing was solid, the story telling became fantastic after the first clunky scene and that this book was a very solid four stars.
In fact, if Brooks had written Trahearn just a little differently, I think I might even have given this story five stars. Still, as it is, it's a very good read. I recommend it to romance readers, steampunk enthusiasts and anybody who's just into a fun, adventure novel that won't let you down in the imagination department.
[image] This novel is kind of like that... awesome with a side of bullet sandwich!...more
*Before I begin my review, I must take a moment to honour the devastating goddess who made it possible for me to read this book. There are not enough *Before I begin my review, I must take a moment to honour the devastating goddess who made it possible for me to read this book. There are not enough words in the English language to fully capture the incadescents of this magnificent human being. She is beyond reproach, loved by all, exulted in her graciousness. I adore her with the nuclear reactions of a thousand suns. She is worth more to me than all of the precious jewels!*
/Suck up
"The series gets good at book three."
[image]
If I had a penny for every time I heard something like this about a series then... okay, I'd probably have about a dollar now.
But still, for many avid readers out there, it is the bane of their existence.
No, but really. This series gets GOOD at book three.
Unlike most people though, I didn't mind it at book one. I thought it had a lot of potential. Some people get thrown off of being tossed into an unfamiliar world with little or no hand-holding from the author. Note: Ilona Andrews will never hold your hand. You either keep up or she'll leave you behind.
For me the second book was an improvement but still only representative of a slightly better-than-average series.
Then the third book happened.
[image] It really, really happened...
Ever since then, I've been in love with Kate Daniels, Ilona Andrews, and her Edge series.
Magic Slays lives up to the series fairly well.
It's intelligent, witty, well-paced, fun, easy to read and enjoyable.
The character arcs are all interesting, realistic, involving and enjoyable.
My only complaint with this series is that Andrews is obviously very uncomfortable about any intimate scenes. She has the writer's equivalent of premature ejaculation and at one point I almost wanted to stroke the book and mutter, "It's okay. Really. It is. It happens to everyone."
Andrews, like Neil and unlike most of the Urban Fantasy authors, actually seems to LIKE women. The friendship between Kate and Andrea, her ward Julie and her dealings with the other women in this book is so well treated! It's a breath of fresh air to have a female protagonist who actually gets along with other women.
Over all, if you're a fan of this series, definitely read the latest installment.
If you're not a fan of this series - please don't shoot me but...
Gabry, the main character of this story, is lacking in the crazy-ass psycho department that her mother so nicely managed during her debut in The ForesGabry, the main character of this story, is lacking in the crazy-ass psycho department that her mother so nicely managed during her debut in The Forest of Hands and Teeth.
This story is about self-discovery. With Zombies.
Which actually makes a lot of sense.
In what I can only assume is stupidity gone rampant amongst teens, Gabry is convinced to go out past their safe border and into a closed and derelict theme park.
It isn't a spoiler when I tell you that things quickly turn to shit because, really, you can do the maths.
A group of stupid teens + possible zombie infested theme park = things quickly turning to shit.
Very simple maths and the authors of the horror genre have taken such delight in viciously murdering poorly behaving teenagers that this is nothing new.
After this incident, Gabry's life falls apart piece by piece until the only thing that can fix it is a zombie adventure!
[image]
I pity anyone caught in a zombie uprising with me. I consider that sign fair warning that if there are zombies around, I am not above using your soft, gooey flesh to slow them down and aid my escape!
Which was rather disappointing because, in the first novel, people seemed to share this philosophy.
Yet this group of zombie victims are unfortunately kind, brave and willing to face a zombie horde to protect those that they love. It's annoying. It makes for a surprisingly goreless zombie novel.
Not ONCE does a zombie baby get tossed out a third story window.
What are you doing to us Ryan?
[image]
How am I supposed to ENJOY a novel when I'm pitying the damn antagonist and its mindless horde?
Well, actually, I still managed to really enjoy this novel but still...
This book had a lot of potential in the imagination department. I mean, the main character is a soul collector. We can ignore the tenous links to the This book had a lot of potential in the imagination department. I mean, the main character is a soul collector. We can ignore the tenous links to the Georgina Kincaid series while doing this review. Mostly because the Georgina Kincaid series and I are no longer on speaking terms. That bitch knows what she did!
Any way, this story's one strength is quickly overwhelmed by its poor, stilted writing, vague and non-plausible story arcs and two-dimensional cardboard cut-outs.
The story goes that we meet Madeline:
[image] Okay, I admit this looks nothing like her but stick with me here.
She is a soul collector, it's her job and it's going alright except her boss:
[image] Okay, once again, nothing like him but... yeah, I'm lazy. Give me a break!
Well, her boss is an asshole, but it's nothing she can't handle until mysterious bad guys kill her best friend and try to kill her. Then this guy turns up:
[image] No disclaimers for this one.
He's brooding and mysterious and Madeline is SURE something is up.
Now, I can't actually go much further into the plot except to say that secrets come out, powers are revealed and love triangles are forming.
[image] Love triangles like this. And this time I mean EXACTLY like this!
If only Madeline was nothing more than a pathetic MC like Bella. That would have been an actual improvement. But she's not.
[image] That's right! She's vamp Madeline! Super powered and running through a forest in the ugliest dress imaginable while her boyfriend sparkles in the sunshine!
This story would be the equivalent of me writing a wank fantasy in which I wake up tomorrow, find out the Queen of England is my Grandmother, Obama is my father and I'm engaged to Prince William despite the freaky incest that implies. Whilst discovering all this, I also have the secret to the dawn of humanity and my entire species and I also have inherited the powers of Spiderman only I will not wear spandex and I'll be a hundred times cooler.
Nobody actually wants to read that story because it's LAME.
My last final point is that I'm so freakin' over the whole Nephilim thing. Sure it's fun for fantasy's sake but now the whole trend is annoying me. Since it all decended from the most ridiculous misinterpretation of a single sentence in the Bible I want to clarify this so that I don't have to read anymore of these annoying YA Paranormal trashbooks that romanticize Angels.
Genesis 6:1-6
Now it came about, when men began to multiply on the face of the land, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God (bene Elohim) saw that the daughters of men were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves, whomever they chose.
Then the LORD said, “My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, because he also is flesh; nevertheless his days shall be one hundred and twenty years.”
The Nephilim were on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God (bene Elohim) came in to the daughters of men, and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown. Then the LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great on the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
Nephilim is very like it's root word Naphal which does mean "to fall" yet it the context is FAR more likely to refer to fallen MEN since the angels already did their falling before creation. Fallen men as in Adam's sons because man had Fallen. Yet this is referring to his Godly sons. Get it? The term actually used for Angel is Kalm Mal'ak. This term is used just a few books later by Eliphaz in the book of Job. In fact, no where in the Bible are fallen angels referred to as sons of God. You know who is though? Men. Men who serve God. Like Adam, is referred to as the son of God in Luke 3. Then others in Matthew 5:9, Romans 8:14, Romans 8:19, Galatians 3:26. Hosea 1:10 says that Godly people will be terms Sons of the Living God.
[image] DO YOU GET WHAT I AM TELLING YOU!?!?!?!?!?!
There. Now you all know. Stop writing this crap and move onto more original ideas. Writing Biblical fanfiction is so old that the Hebrews were doing it a few days after the book of Genesis came around the watering hole for inspection.
It's called The Book of Enoch and it is ALSO responsible for another dumb plot-device that gives me headaches: Lilith.
[image] Hint: she doesn't exist, and even if she did - she would look totally more badass than this.
Kat Kennedy
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