Selaco’s best Easter egg flouts the rules of hospital safety

I hear the frantic clacking of Vox Media’s lawyers typing a formal email to remind me that I, Christopher Thomas Plante, am not a doctor and should not provide medical or hospital safety advice on Polygon.com. But they (and you) need not worry. The guidance is indisputable.

Don’t put metal in an MRI machine.

If you need a rather extreme reminder of why, play Selaco, the exceptional indie first-person shooter (currently in Steam Early Access) that blends the tactics of F.E.A.R., the aesthetic of early id games like Doom and Quake, and most importantly to today’s medical guidance, the immersive simulation of System Shock 2.

So, why shouldn’t you put metal in an MRI machine and how again does this relate to a game about killing sci-fi monsters with heavy weaponry?

Image: Altered Orbit Studios

If you’ve had the misfortune of receiving an MRI, you already know to inform the doctor of any metal implants and to remove all metal piercings. You may even know why doctors make this request. MRI stands for “magnetic resonance imaging.” From Yale Medicine: “Rather than using radiation, as X-rays do, the MRI machine uses magnetic fields and radio waves to generate images.”

But like me, perhaps you’ve wondered while lying on the cold, loud, human serving platter of an MRI machine, what exactly would happen if you put metal inside this monstrosity?

Selaco dared me to find out.

In the first few hours of the FPS, I found a working MRI machine tucked into the back corner of a scientific lab. By working, I mean I could enter the observation room alongside the machine, press a button, and process an MRI. Selaco borrows elements from the immersive-sim genre: I could pick up most items around the room. Like a fool, I tested the machine with a soft, cotton-stuffed teddy bear to see what would happen.

Nothing. Obviously.

I left the room, obliterated some baddies, and briefly forgot about the humongous medical gizmo. But then I saw something perched on a table alongside an abandoned slice of cake: a soda can. A metal soda can. Inspiration struck as if I’d been touched by the gods — or perhaps, the devils. I grabbed the can, slurped the soda, carried the refuse to the MRI room, and tossed the crumpled can into the MRI machine. I entered the adjoining chamber and pressed the button.

BOOM!

The MRI machine exploded, leaving behind a gaping hole in the wall where the back of the machine used to be. Behind the hole, I found a secret room with a slew of goodies, rewarding me for my eagerness to break a cardinal rule of hospital protocol.

Is this what would happen in real life? No!

When getting an MRI, metal can distort the image, or in worst-case scenarios cause damage to the person or the machine. Because magnets! But the metal will not cause a room-demolishing explosion that reveals a secret pathway to personal life upgrades.

Nonetheless, I am grateful for Solace’s little puzzle for allowing me to live out one of my dumbest fantasies and terrifying me into taking the doctors seriously when they say, “No, you absolutely cannot bring your smartphone into the MRI machine!”

As for you, dear reader (and Vox Media lawyers), I realize now, as we reach the end, that this story isn’t medical advice at all. It’s gaming advice. Give Selaco a try! Don’t be fooled by its old-school aesthetic; this game rewards thinking about first-person shooters in new and inventive ways — and breaking the rules in fearless pursuit of a good time.