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Paul Bryant's Reviews > Been There, Done That: An Autobiography
Been There, Done That: An Autobiography
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You know I read this once but I really shouldn't've and you shouldn't neither so, you know, like, just don't. Use the time you save in doing something better, like, you could hoover your cupboards or call your mother or you could marry someone or you could just read something better than this thing like say Lobster Boy or My Boyfriend Has Tentacles or really just about anything. I think I read it because I couldn't imagine anyone marrying Debbie Reynolds AND Elizabeth Taylor in one lifetime, never mind in one five year stretch. It beggars belief you know. Those two hotsy-totsies? Wow. Let's be clear about this: wow. But you know when you peer behind the glassy noses and the pompadour smiles you do find that (apart from Doris Day) these showbiz legends are mostly really creepy and they live in an equally creepy world where most everyone is like them, creepy. Except Doris Day. You know all those nice characters they appear to be in the movies? Well, here's something - THEY'RE NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL! Someone did tell me that once but I disregarded it as negative thinking - I told that person hey, look on the bright side for once. Maybe they are! But you know something, THEY'RE NOT. They're like mafia dons, they have people killed and everything. They could rub you out like an ant. It's true. Better not get on the wrong side of , say, Nicole Kidman. Yeah, you think Johnny Depp is so nice and sweet, giving all his vegetables to the less well-off and all, but he could have you taken out with ONE PHONE CALL. I'm not saying he would, you know, far be it from me to be libellous. But he could. One phone call.
Mind you, I would not say that grinding poverty and no talent makes you a better person. It doesn't. It has not made me a better person. Ask anyone. Also, I am not saying I would have been a better person had I had had the opportunity to marry either the late Debbie Reynolds or the late Elizabeth Taylor or both. I am just saying that I would have had a shot at it, which everyone should deserve in this life, don't you agree. I believe in a world where everybody should have the opportunity to marry Debbie Reynolds. Not just rich types. If that makes me a marxist then so be it.
If I had of married Debbie, I would hope that I would not of dumped her for Elizabeth, no matter how many come ons I got from those famous violet peepers.
Anyway, do not read this book.
Who would not totally marry Debbie Reynolds? I am betting all men and most women would marry Debbie Reynolds. Wild animals would probably marry Debbie Reynolds, if they were allowed. (I think in the future wild animals will be allowed to marry people, the way things are going.)
Mind you, I would not say that grinding poverty and no talent makes you a better person. It doesn't. It has not made me a better person. Ask anyone. Also, I am not saying I would have been a better person had I had had the opportunity to marry either the late Debbie Reynolds or the late Elizabeth Taylor or both. I am just saying that I would have had a shot at it, which everyone should deserve in this life, don't you agree. I believe in a world where everybody should have the opportunity to marry Debbie Reynolds. Not just rich types. If that makes me a marxist then so be it.
If I had of married Debbie, I would hope that I would not of dumped her for Elizabeth, no matter how many come ons I got from those famous violet peepers.
Anyway, do not read this book.
Who would not totally marry Debbie Reynolds? I am betting all men and most women would marry Debbie Reynolds. Wild animals would probably marry Debbie Reynolds, if they were allowed. (I think in the future wild animals will be allowed to marry people, the way things are going.)
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Reading Progress
January 23, 2009
– Shelved
February 1, 2010
–
Started Reading
February 3, 2010
–
Finished Reading
April 3, 2011
– Shelved as:
verysleazyfun
May 16, 2018
– Shelved as:
memoirs
Comments Showing 1-50 of 54 (54 new)
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by
Manny
(new)
Jan 23, 2009 02:45AM
But Robert Redford is an exception, okay? Please agree, or you will shatter one of my few remaining illusions...
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That's right, Robert Redford and Doris Day. Only people whose initials are the same.
You're right! Kevin Kline. Brigitte Bardot. I'd never noticed that before!
And as one of my francophone friends points out, Anne 'Athaway. It's uncanny.
And, of course, the delightful Deanna Durbin. To establish that it is a necessary, but not a sufficient, condition we need only think of Lindsey Lohan.
I can't help suspecting experimental error in that case. After her brilliant performance in Mean Girls, who'd ever have guessed what was going to happen next? Definitely something odd here.
I'm glad you made that distinction about Doris Day.
Miss Day is a true humanitarian and a model of rectitude. No cavorting with dubious guitarists for her. She never needed rehab. And never will.
And that's after years of band-singing which, in my opinion, doubles her rectitude. There are people who feel all kinds of great about their fine values who have never been tested.
But now I have a bad case of the morbid curiosities!
Do not read this book! I have never been more sincere.
I met Eddie Fisher once! Processed his passport application back when I worked for US Passport Services.He seemed pitiable. When asked for ID, he presented his military card from the 1940s, on which his face was O-My-Papa boyish and his hair a tousled mop (in contrast to the graying, wizened old man before me.
Don't feel sorry for Eddie, he's been everywhere twice and done everyone, er, everything. Except he must have missed devonshire Road, Sherwood. I don't remember him. Anyway, excellent story.
The main feature I recall about his book was a lot of boohooing about Debbie's being so disappointing as a wife that he was forced into the arms of Elizabeth T. FORCED, poor poor man. Yeah, right. (makes derisive razzberry noise.)
Katie, you are right, dear Debbie gets written up as a Hollywood frigidaire, look but don't touch, and he felt as if he'd been sold a pig in a poke, to coin a phrase. (Some pig). BB, yes, this must be the book - God save us if he wrote a worse one.
What I don't get is why anyone would want to read this. Eddie Fisher? Of all the entertainment figures of that era...? There's no there there. Ok, he was married to her, and her, but then you could just read a book about one of them, yes? It would be like, looking at all the Hollywood figures of the '30s and '40s and then deciding, yes, I really really want to read a biography of Ralph Bellamy. Who does that?
All I can say is that it was a break from James Joyce. No, seriously, I have no explanation! But also, I read the autobiography of Skeeter Davis! So a pattern is emerging...
lol...I won't read it, I'll take your advice. Life's too short to waste on books like this.And you say "it was a break from James Joyce". :) Good one :)
Actually, I think Johnny Depp is more real than most of these phony baloney movie stars. I actually cheered him when he got in a fight with a paparazzo for harassing his wife!
hmmm Mona, one phone call is all I'm saying.
Paul wrote: "hmmm Mona, one phone call is all I'm saying."I got it...but I think that the Kardashians or Kanye West would be more likely to do that kind of thing. But who knows?
I think Eddie's daughter lovingly expresses enough total disdain for her father in a few paragraphs that reading Mr. Fisher's book in total is unnecessary.
I love these random books you sometimes review :-) Hysterical commentary! But I have to say you have to include Paul Newman and Gregory Peck as non-creepy legends. Jack Lemmon too. I have a few bizarre dead-actor crushes.
this one was really off the charts! Hey yeah I know it's not only Doris Day who's not creepy. Jack Lemmon.... hmmm, he's kind of creepy.
as always, thanks for protecting us from the dross and dregs!
Great review of a book I'd never read. I love that you carry the load for the rest of us. And I agree about Paul Newman and Gregory Peck. I've always admired the work Audrey Hepburn did for international causes--can't say I can see her making that phone call either, but then of course I definitely didn't know her :-)
I don't think anybody thinks Johnny Depp is nice and sweet anymore, but you called it early!
So that's what you would have liked, Paul: nice short marriages to Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor. Men! Wouldn't the very likable Doris Day have done for you? (Or was it her zoo of rescue animals that let you shy away from her? I bet you would not have been keen to clean litter boxes.)Forget about Robert Redford. I would not have been interested in him (or he in me). And wadd'ya want with Jack Lemmon? Nice guy--for a brother, maybe. Paul Newman and Gregory Peck--that's my boys. I think we both agree that we can forget about all the Eddie Fishers of this world. So don't worry. I won't ever get tempted to read the above book.
P.S. You wouldn't be able to recommend a memoir or biography of Clark Gable, or would you?
Hilarious Paul! But you haven't scared me off from this book one bit! I'm more intrigued than ever!!
Oh no Lilo, I am not myself wishing I was Eddie. Doris would have been enough for me! History records that she married herself a couple of slimeballs. There ain't no justice. As for Clark Gable, I know nothing apart from he had no teeth. I read that somewhere.and thanks Kathy
I find the You Must Remember This podcast the best way to learn about all of this trashy history. Karina Longworth manages the right mix of history and sardonic analysis. She is great at pinpointing how Hollywood grinds women down. The series on Jane Fonda and Jean Seberg is particularly mind blowing.
Paul wrote: "Oh no Lilo, I am not myself wishing I was Eddie. Doris would have been enough for me! History records that she married herself a couple of slimeballs. There ain't no justice. As for Clark Gable, I ..."Glad to hear that you would have been satisfied with Doris. (But you didn't say anything about the litter boxes.)
So Clark Gable had no teeth. That's comforting. So I didn't miss too much. And I am rather sure he would not have cleaned litter boxes, which my dear, sweet (2nd) husband does. Nevertheless, I would not have minded a little tete-a-tete with Clark Gable between my two marriages, provided Clark would have had well-fitting dentures.
And now something else, Paul, you police chief of grammar police: Should this not have read, "I am not myself wishing I WERE Eddy" or, "I am not myself wishing, I HAD BEEN Eddie"?
I am presently reading a wonderful, but self-published book, lacking proper editing. Every time I come across a mistake, I think of you and envision you tearing this book apart if you were to read and review it.
If we are going to be the grammar police here, I would like to draw attention to the following phrase in the review: "I would hope that I would not of dumped her for Elizabeth" (my italics).
well, I think this review was written by someone not quite in their right mind, so grammatical infelicities can go with that territory.
Leni wrote: "If we are going to be the grammar police here, I would like to draw attention to the following phrase in the review: "I would hope that I would not of dumped her for Elizabeth" (my italics)."I was just teasing Paul because he is always so strict with self-publishing authors.
And I had overlooked the "of" in the review, or I would have noticed that he purposely made mistakes for the fun of it.
Strict? Me? Never. But appearing in public with bad grammar and slipshod spelling is like going shopping in your pajamas.
Paul wrote: "well, I think this review was written by someone not quite in their right mind, so grammatical infelicities can go with that territory."Seriously, just for my education and peace of mind: Was the "was" in comment # 30 an oversight, or are there cases in conjunctive sentences (and especially "if" sentences) where "was" would be correct? Please help a poor ELS reader/writer.
Paul wrote: "Strict? Me? Never. But appearing in public with bad grammar and slipshod spelling is like going shopping in your pajamas."Paul, you are giving me nightmares. Now I'll dream of going shopping in my pajamas (or worse, naked).
well, I guess "was" should be "had been" if I was contemplating wanting to be Eddie then with his two hotsy totsies; but if thought I wanted to be Eddie now with his majestic pulling power then "was" was correct. These are subtle distinctions which only cheeseparers will make. The native speaker runs roughshod over such stuff.
Thank you Paul! Hate that Goodreads only has "like" button. I'd not pick up the book and I'm sure what you wrote here is far more entertaining 😁
Mind you, I would not say that grinding poverty and no talent makes you a better person. It doesn't. It has not made me a better person. Ask anyone.I am sure you are a much better person now in 2020. Surely you have married at least two movie stars by now.
I did try it. But it did not work out for me. Emily Watson is quite stuck up. She never replied to any of my emails.
Oh I realised, I meant Emma Watson. Maybe that's why I didn't get reply. I was emailing the wrong star.
See, you're never going to get anywhere with the movie stars if you can't even get their name right. Jared Depp dropped me like a hot rock as soon as I accidentally called him "Joe" one night.
Oh I know, but it's really on them, they have such similar names. And some of them look similar too. And the films are similar. Some times I think that there are only 12 movie stars in the whole world.
Truth. And this phenomenon increases as one ages. Or they are all triplets.
Wait, are you trying to tell me that the young-ish white man with two-day stubble who is in every movie from the last fifteen years is more than one person??
Yes. The craggy wise older but still handsome cop/bodyguard/astronaut is also not the same person. I checked on IMDB.
I can't argue with most of your review, but I must take issue with the warning to not read it, I was riveted throughout.! So fab.
