Will Once's Blog

An insect crawled out of my salad. It was a garden centre restaurant in leafy Surrey where ladies of a certain age meet to talk about nasturtiums and put the world to rights over a skinny latte and Victoria sponge. They didn’t say anything about the additional protein frolicking in the lightly dressed side salad.…

It was more than forty years ago, an age of innocence and wonder, peppered with moments of high anxiety and embarrassment aka my school days. Some days earlier, the teacher had set us some maths homework. We were to find something round and measure both its circumference and diameter. Then repeat with something else that…

Forgive me, friends, for I have sinned. As sins go, it’s not a huge one. I’m not about to be clapped in irons and hauled in front of a magistrate. It’s probably only a footnote on my ledger when St Peter and I have that performance appraisal review meeting in front of the pearly gates.…

I have a confession to make. It is a little bit embarrassing. I suppose most confessions are. But we are friends and I hope you will be gentle with me. It all starts with my square hands. Grave digger hands. Peasant’s hands. Palms as wide as they are long with stubby fat fingers. Hands made…

Well, my daddy left homeWhen I was three And he didn’t leave very much to my ma and meExcept this ole guitar andAn empty bottle of booze Johnny Cash “A boy named Sue” My version of the Johnny Cash classic “A boy named Sue” would not be so dramatic. My parents divorced when I was…

Listen. Here is wisdom. Friday bottles have less wine in them. Or beer or whisky or whatever sails your galleon. I don’t know how they do it or why. But it’s a thing. It most definitely is a thing. Each generation knows that its pop music was the best and all that modern stuff is…

I don’t know you. You are the product of all your life’s experiences. Of your parents. Your education. Where you live. What church you go to, if any. The politics you live by. The things you love, the things you hate. All of these things have made you what you are, just as all of…

My mum died a few days ago. Of course, we don’t say “died”, do we? We say that she passed away. Or that she is no longer with us. Or that we have lost her. Or some other such fluffiness. But my mum was a plain talking lady. She never liked to mince words. So…

There comes a time in a man’s life when he fancies … a little something that he doesn’t need. A little obsession that is going to cost him money for little outward gain. Something that his family might not understand. Something that is simultaneously frivolous and deadly serious. When I say “man”, I am not…

Do you have an electric hedge? You see, it’s a family joke chez nous. Whenever we see “electric hedge trimmer”, the automatic question is …. “that would be very useful if we had an electric hedge.” This is not restricted to garden topiary. We could also buy an electric beard trimmer … for electric beards.…