Victor Lewis-Smith Column: LIFE'S SO GRUEL IN THE EAST.
Byline: Victor Lewis-SmithONE of these days, I'll finally live my dream and launch my own restaurant.
I've not yet decided whether it will have a pirate theme (if so, I'll call it Simmer Me Giblets), be a shrine to Elvis (Love Meat Tender), or take the form of an indelicatessen, selling testicle pate and penis-shaped carved carrots (crudites that really live up to their name).
I've been thinking about good food a lot this week, mainly because I haven't tasted any recently.
I'm travelling around what used to be called East Germany, filming the complete organ works of JSBach for BBC2 (in some of the very churches where the great musician used to perform) and I have to tell you that in these parts, the diet revolves principally around sugar, lard and what looks like road kill, formed into worryingly pink or grey sausages. In short, I've learned to fear the wurst.
The last good food I tasted was, surprisingly, on the P&O ferry from Hull to Rotterdam (this isn't a plug - I actually paid for my dinner).
Ferry food has traditionally been dire but the on-board a la carte restaurant was astonishingly professional and offered a spectacular view to boot.
By contrast, plane food seems plain and, anyway, post-September 11 regulations mean plastic knives and forks for all, which has irredeemably blighted air travel for gastronauts.
From now on, I intend to travel to Europe by ferry whenever possible, not least because the customs officials at sea ports always seem pleasant and efficient.
Contrast that with what happens at airports, where even your shoes are frisked nowadays and where I was once threatened with "a complete anal search" by a very grim lesbian officer, after making light of an exploded talcum powder incident.
And on another occasion, when I was asked "do you have anything to declare?" and I replied "Yes, war on Canada," I was very nearly sent home on the next flight.
So travel by ferry. It's so much easier on the nerves.
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| Title Annotation: | Features |
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| Publication: | The Mirror (London, England) |
| Date: | Aug 24, 2002 |
| Words: | 344 |
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