At this stage you can't even remember what you were building in the first place but you do know you didn't want the walls to be built out of cheese and wasn't this thing supposed to have a
fecking roof ?
Poet Laureates are supposed to write about magnificent things, noble occasions, events that change people's lives - not the demise of the
fecking gas meter.
It focused around Agnes organising a New Year's Eve party ("I don't know what your plans are for New Year's Eve but mine is to drink cider until I can't pronounce it"), a talking parrot and which school her grandson Bono was going to (Agnes wasn't happy reckoning Bono was easily led: "last month when he nearly went off with a dirty, smelly,
fecking tramp"...an outraged Cathy shouted back: "That was granddad."
Fast and witty -
fecking brilliant as Mrs Brown would say!
It is also the Bruegel-like destination of a couple of
fecking Irish hit men, portrayed by Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell, who have been ordered to lay low by their vicious London boss, played by Ralph Fiennes, after they botched a bloody killing.
He can tow me from here to kingdom
fecking come, he says.
A recent gig prompted the legendary Terri Hooley to describe the band as "My kind of
fecking band".
The first thing he'd say was, 'Your teeth are
fecking terrible'.
"I bit a piece off a bar of chocolate and the next thing I heard this unmerciful cracking noise - I'd
fecking cracked the bridge on my teeth!"
So the best that the oncepeerless, BBC sitcom department can give us this Christmas is a double helping of Mrs Brown's Boys (whose comedy
fecking act ran thin some years ago), Citizen Khan (whose
fecking comedy act hasn't yet been spotted) and two stabs at past glories: Still Open All Hours and The Making Of Dad's Army.
Between the hotel and the glorious beach, there is a great big
fecking dirty car park.