The BBC’s ‘diverse’ Battle of Hastings drama is a farcical distortion of our history

Yes, it’s happened again. In December last year, a non-white actor played Isaac Newton in Doctor Who. Then, in April this year, it was announced that non-white actors had been cast to play Tudor courtiers in Wolf Hall: The Mirror and the Light. And now, non-white actors have been cast to play Anglo-Saxon noblemen in King and Conqueror, a drama series about the Norman conquest of 1066. And all these shows are on the BBC.

Some viewers may be puzzled by this insistence on “colour-blind” casting in historical dramas – and not only because it makes the programmes look inauthentic. For one thing, it seems unlikely that, in this day and age, the BBC would be happy to show white actors playing non-white historical figures. So how come it’s all right to do it the other way round?

A cynic might wonder whether such casting is part of a cunning ploy to reinforce the fashionable progressive message that, throughout its history, this country has always been ethnically diverse – which means that, if you object to mass immigration in the 21st century, you’re not just racist, but historically ignorant.

Still, whatever the thinking behind this approach, we mustn’t judge a programme before we’ve seen it. So for now, all we can do is imagine what this diverse and inclusive new Anglo-Saxon drama might be like…

Scene: the court of King Harold II, September 1066. Suddenly the doors burst open, and two courtiers rush in.

Courtier 1: “Your Majesty, we bring alarming news. A vast Norman fleet has been sighted off the south coast.”

Courtier 2: “That’s right, Your Majesty. We must act at once, in order to stop the boats.”

King Harold: “Stop the boats? Don’t be such a hateful bigot. These are obviously desperate people in urgent need of our help. We must show compassion, and offer them all state-funded accommodation at the nearest Best Western.”

Courtier 1: “But Your Majesty, I really don’t think these people crossing the Channel from France are asylum seekers. They’re clearly all men of fighting age.”

Courtier 2: “That’s right, Your Majesty. This is an invasion.”

King Harold: “‘Invasion’? I’m sorry, but I will not tolerate the use of such irresponsible and inflammatory rhetoric. Who do you think you are? Nigel Farage?”

Courtier 1: “Please, Your Majesty. This is a hostile foreign army. They will destroy our way of life.”

King Harold: “What alarmist nonsense. I don’t want to hear any more of these far-Right conspiracy theories. In any case, it’s vital that we remain open to the world. As any historian worth his, her or their salt will tell you, Britain has always been vibrantly multicultural – ever since the Windrush arrived, in 1948BC.”

Courtier 2: “But...”

King Harold: “Anyway, whether you like it or not, it would be an act of catastrophic national self-harm to shut our borders to newcomers. If we had an NHS, I can assure you that it would collapse without them.”

Courtier 1: “But, Your Majesty…”

King Harold: “Silence. I shouldn’t have to remind you that this court’s HR department operates strict policies on diversity and inclusion. It’s high time people with outdated attitudes like yours were dragged kicking and screaming into the 11th century.”

Courtier 2: “Of course, Your Majesty. Just as you say.”

King Harold: “Now, send for my bards. I wish to enjoy their rendition of the latest plainchant by Stormzy.”

The one good thing about a Labour Government

Tories may be feeling glum about the election result. But I think they should look on the bright side. Because there will be at least one benefit to having Labour in charge.

Which is that it will do wonders for the quality of Left-wing discourse.

For the past 14 years, Left-wing activists and commentators have relentlessly told us that every single problem in our lives is the fault of the government. Don’t earn enough money? It’s the government’s fault. Bills soaring? The government’s fault. Deadly pandemic? The government’s fault. This has been the Left’s constant refrain. No matter what your woes, the government is always to blame – and, if it doesn’t immediately fix them, it’s because it’s useless, stupid, and very probably evil.

Suddenly, though, the future is looking much brighter. Because, now that a party they support is in power, something tells me that the Left will take a more mature, thoughtful and considered view of events. Running the country, they will solemnly remind us, isn’t easy. Times are tough, difficult decisions must be made, and the Prime Minister doesn’t have a magic wand. You can’t just blame everything on the Government, you know…

A heartening thought. My only fear is that, if the Tories ever get back in, everything will be the government’s fault again.

Way of the World is a twice-weekly satirical look at the headlines aiming to mock the absurdities of the modern world. It is published at 7am every Tuesday and Saturday