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Dear Richard Madeley: My neighbours wander around in the nude – how can I tell them to close the curtains?
They’re charming people, but I’m worried they don’t realise just how much we can see
Dear Richard
Our neighbours are lovely people but they waft around the house in various states of undress with the curtains open and no blinds or nets to speak of. The problem worsens in the summer months.
Recently our six-year-old commented on this practice to us, and we gave him a little talk about how it’s their house, and bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about, and he nodded sagely and went back to his game. But our neighbours seem in most respects quite traditional, and I’m worried they don’t know how visible they are. Is there a tactful way to mention it without seeming censorious?
— Robin, Kent
Dear Robin
As Queen Elizabeth II was apparently wont to say when presented with a delicate personal matter: ‘How curious.’
You say this family are, when not disporting their naked or semi-naked selves at the windows, ‘quite traditional’. Well, British nudism could be described in those terms, couldn’t it? It certainly has a proud tradition. And many would say that goes hand-in-hand with good old-fashioned unreconstructed exhibitionism.
I suspect both are at play here. Sorry, Robin, but I don’t think this repeated ‘flashing’ is accidental. These neighbours of yours are perfectly aware that their curtains are open and they’re clearly visible from outside, be it in summer daylight or backlit by winter lamplight. And still they prance. A rare ‘accidental’ display would be one thing. This series of unasked-for encores tells a very different story.
So unless you are really offended by this regular tableau of nudity, I can’t see any point in telling them what I’m certain they already know – that you can see everything. In fact, I think that would probably give them a little thrill. It may be exactly what they want.
Turn a blind eye. Say nothing. If your son mentions it again, carry on with the kind of comments you’ve already made. Don’t give these people houseroom in your heads. Because they’re a little bit sad, aren’t they, Robin? Or, as the late Queen might have drily observed, ‘curious’.