Wait a second. Did this guy seriously just read a book about a horny mythological squirrel?
Why, yes. Yes he did. But what you need to understand is thWait a second. Did this guy seriously just read a book about a horny mythological squirrel?
Why, yes. Yes he did. But what you need to understand is this: I am a Brandi Burlington completist. I have read all the works in her extensive oeuvre, beginning with her highly-publicized debut, Fucked by the Lake Monster, and culminating with this, her most recent release. Though some of her earlier works have left me feeling somewhat confused, scratching my head in trying to understand the, uh...anatomical possibilities, and—I daresay—a little uneasy at gleaning what should be the appropriate emotional response to her, um...narrative, I can firmly attest to experiencing no such uncertainty with Reamed by Ratatoskr. This book makes it pretty easy to walk away from with a solid grasp of one’s feeling toward it.
Really. There is simply no question about it.
This latest effort by the smokin’ hot BB (er, no, guys—not that BB) revolves around an undereducated American couple fornicating beneath a tree in the Norwegian countryside. But as it turns out, this isn’t just any ordinary tree. This is the Yggdrasil tree, the tree of Norse mythology on whose branches lives the thousands year-old squirrel Ratatoskr. And, as one might imagine, after many long years of pent up sexual energy without the means to release it, Ratatoskr has become a bit sex-crazed. So what might an ancient, sex-crazed squirrel be thinking when he sees two fools copulating beneath him? Well you’d have to read the book to learn the details of that particular fallout, but it is safe to say that things do not bode well for the young pair.
In the end, I’m not sure if Ms. Burlington is a broad whose books read like a fine wine, or whether perhaps the analogy is rather muddled and it’s that her books must be read with a great deal of fine wine in order to be appreciated, but regardless of how one approaches the situation, the following is true—there is always something to be learned from a Brandi novel. Whether it be a lesson in Scandinavian geography or on Norse mythology, or (as in her previous novel) a comprehensive analysis of the scientific method, I can say with the strictest confidence that no reader, no reader anywhere, can finish a Brandi Burlington novel without shaking his head at the amazing revelation of having had his eyes opened to something he had never before imagined....more
Stephen is such a vapid tool. How can someone with this much space between his ears even function? It is no wonder that Stephen can’t satisfy his girlStephen is such a vapid tool. How can someone with this much space between his ears even function? It is no wonder that Stephen can’t satisfy his girlfriend because Stephen has nothing going for him other than his oversized penis. He’s like one of those beefed up gym monkeys, but if you knock, there doesn’t appear to be anybody home.
So what’s a girl to do? Well in this chilly twist of the erotic comedy genre, Stephen’s girlfriend needs to take matters into her own hands. When the vapid tool leaves her high and dry yet again one frigid evening, Stephen’s girlfriend finds herself becoming the subject of some icy stares from a frozen gentleman in her yard. What happens next is some seriously fucked up shit that I cannot divulge on this G-rated site that is Goodreads, but I’m sure a few cool snippets wouldn’t hurt. Check it:
I decided to just start with what came naturally, with—I guess you would call it—a “snow job”??
Or, even better:
“Oh god, give me that South Pole!” I cried in abandonment.
Writing like this has set a new standard of quality for short fiction that has authors across the globe cursing Auralie Vierge under their breaths for her remarkable prose. Here’s one more:
The Eskimos may have a hundred words for snow, but at that moment, I only had two: Fuck. Yeah.
You’ve heard it here first, folks. This book is a delicious treat and if there’s any part of this review I can type with a straight face, it is this: of all the snowman porn I’ve ever read, Snowballin’ is easily the best.
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