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Family Abolition: Capitalism and the Communizing of Care

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How do we take care of each other? Who raises us as children, is with us when we are ill, provides a place to sleep when work is tight? We often rely on family for the care we all need. Yet even at their best families cannot carry the impossible demands placed on them, and for many the family is a place of private horror of coercion and personal domination.

M. E. O’Brien uncovers the long history of struggles to go beyond the private family. She traces the changing family politics of racial capitalism in the industrial cities of Europe and the slavery plantations and settler frontier of North America, through the rise and fall of the housewife family. From Marx to Black and queer insurrection to today’s mass protest movements, O’Brien finds revolutionary movements seeking better ways of loving, caring, and living. Family Abolition takes us through the past and present of family politics into a speculative future of the commune, imagining how care could be organized in a free society.

304 pages, Paperback

First published April 20, 2023

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M.E. O'Brien

5 books147 followers

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5 stars
53 (46%)
4 stars
40 (34%)
3 stars
14 (12%)
2 stars
6 (5%)
1 star
2 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
Profile Image for kathleen.
52 reviews2 followers
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November 8, 2023
i liked this book a lot i thought it was really beautiful!!
it was nice to read & think about questions of social reproduction and care in a more rigorous way! the book asks how human life can be reproduced without the family/state/wage, and how we can access care beyond the form of the private household. i thought chapter 7 on the workers' movement was really interesting, i've become so used to the rhetoric and demands of a workers movement that i prob haven't thought very hard or critically about it lol

i think i'm not that into communization theory but it was interesting to read about!

a quote:
"That tie of love is at the heart of justice, of the struggle for a free world. The affirmation of family abolition is the demand that this love be a universal and unconditional basis for a social order that extends to include everyone. Yes, we all deserve love. Yes, we all deserve help. Yes, we all deserve to survive. Yes, we will defend each other. Yes, we will keep us safe."
Profile Image for Majić  Vusilović.
19 reviews8 followers
August 30, 2023
I had very high expectations of this book and I was right, because it's fantastic as well as exciting, well written and comprehensive take (not only) on family abolition. Everyone who got introduced to the topic via Sophie Lewis should read it. I myslef found many answers to the questions I was struggling with when it comes to family abolition and the communization of care. What I admire most and what found particularly inspiring is author's confident and unpretentious tone. I think this book will be my favorite feminist piece of writing this year.
Profile Image for Chidi.
61 reviews6 followers
July 21, 2023
An amazing book on Family Abolition. She not only speaks of the the harms and horrors built into the family, but on how we can free care work from the family and make it accessible to everyone. I really enjoyed reading her analysis on Communization and this book is the perfect companion to her co-authored novel “Everything For Everyone: A Oral History of the New York Commune”. Let’s communize the world together!
Profile Image for Alba Lafarga.
84 reviews35 followers
January 30, 2024
boníssim. m’ha agradat molt com tracta totes les qüestions des de diferents perspectives i amb molt aprofundiment. després de llegir diferents autores sobre abolició de la família m’encanta veure l’enorme generositat entre totes les autores, com constantment es mencionen i pots seguir el fil de pensament conjunt ❤️‍🩹
Profile Image for Mel.
341 reviews32 followers
September 12, 2023
As a reminder, in my very subjective rating system, three stars means I would recommend it to some people with caveats.

I profoundly agree with O'Brien that the nuclear family is a fundamental building block of our oppressive society - that it is designed to reproduce class privilege, misogyny, and heteronormativity - that it is a site of abuse and violence for many of us. That's why conservatives fight for it so hard.

I also agree that anytime you have to rely on a person or persons for survival it is fundamentally coercive. If you can't leave without risking starving to death. That isn't free and it's not love.

It is undoubtedly true that the nuclear family cannot actually take on the entire responsibility for everything we expect it to without other people serving it and that this is crushing women particularly and poor women most of all.

I learned a lot from the parts that broke down Marx's blind spots and talked about other communist thinkers. I'll probably read a bit more of them directly. While it was definitely not O'Briens intention, it really clarified for me more of the reasons why I have always been so so turned off by Marxists. (I do despise being defined primarily as a worker, the evangelical universalism, and the lumpenproletariat bullshit so very much).

I find the ideas about the possibilities in "insurgent social reproduction" in protest camps interesting. Communization theory seems interesting. But sometimes I got the feeling that the theory kind of picks up where anarchist insurrectionists leave off. Not my favorite branch of anarchy.

I very much appreciate emphasis on all the people who fall through the cracks - those abandoned by their families, runaways...but I'm truly mystified how there is zero mention of youth liberation. It is such a glaring absence.

Also glaringly absent is any understanding of adoption. It is mentioned once as a negative in relation to indigenous people taken from their families and once as a positive in relation to the new cuban family law. Then there is this whole description of an imaginary nightmare scenario where the state just starts taking children from people and it's pretty much what actually happens if you add private agency and religious institution next to state. Truly infuriating.

Also infuriating, a total lack of critique of religion or religious institutions. In fact, they make some sort of religious exemption for people who don't want to be in the commune. Like religion has not been equal to the patriarchal family in keeping oppression alive?!? Sigh.

Despite clearly having an understanding that there are other forms of family than the white nuclear family and clear descriptions of how the state attacks them, they don't really integrate it well enough to be convincing. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that, in the end, are really just talking about the ideal size of a unit, what the boundaries and expectations are, and what freedom we have to leave. "Family" means too many things to people for abolishment to be an easy sell. And everything else just expands the boundaries. Which is great. But better to just say that. And really, not even the book is consistent in how it talks about "chosen family."

Not that I'm against provocative language. But I tend to use it as a litmus test for who is open minded, not a call to action.

I'll stop there. Clearly, the book made me think. It helped me clarify a few things. I'm glad people are thinking about this and I hope to see more.
Profile Image for Arya.
60 reviews
June 21, 2024
very eclectic while turning marxism into a mechanical tool. a materialist without being a dialectician.

dismissive of socialist experiments and fetishistic of mass movements that have not built up any sort of lasting new power

the sections on the global 60s have immense glaring gaps. how can you talk about changing culture and society in that period without talking about china ?

the author paints socialist states and post-national liberation states in the same brushstroke, a very chauvinistic attitude !

she picks and chooses what theory from racialised theory pleases her and her marxism is fundamentally white. her theory of the communist revolution is childish fantasty.

the marxism she "expands" is nonsense, the rest is just repeating other people's theoretrical work without building on it. it becomes very repetitive very quickly.

very dissapointing read. i hope other recent books on this topic are better.
Profile Image for Kiki Tapiero.
139 reviews
May 19, 2024
An important point of clarity is that this author is talking about abolishing the capitalist, private family. I think she's right that Family Abolition might be a harsh sounding phrase, but she does such a good job of defining it. She goes through several periods of history and different countries to investigate how family reproduce class disparity, gendered dynamics, and is a form of racism / settler colonialism. The author also sets out beautiful visions of her own and other writers of what communization looks like, and deeply inspired my own vision of what I want my community to look like. She does a good job at describing limitations of chosen family and other proxies for communes, and really brings home the point that true abolition of dependent relationship structures will come with abolition of capitalism.
Profile Image for Elianne.
146 reviews2 followers
February 29, 2024
De eerste helft was echt geweldig, in de tweede helft schoot het soms wat uit de bocht.
57 reviews18 followers
December 7, 2023
This is an impressive book that attempts to encapsulate where family abolition stands today and where it could go in three parts. It begins with the Oaxaca Commune in Mexico to introduce the author's concept of insurgent social reproduction—something she will return to later. She explains what family abolition is and relates how the women of Oaxaca were doing it, establishing from the beginning that family abolition is not just a reading group topic but something that can be done. She gives an overview of what the family is—"a limit to human emancipation. . .and imagination. . .[and] a limit to mass social movements and revolutionary struggles." O'Brien makes it clear early that this book is not simply a critique on patriarchy and gender.

Part 1 examines the family of the present (starting with the Coronovirus pandemic) and how private households cannot do the work they have been asked to do, namely raise children and care for people equitably. She clearly shows how the state, under capitalism, has privatized care work so it is not the state's responsibility, and it is either free (done by immediately family, usually women) or left to housekeepers, cooks, laundromats, restaurants, sex workers, etc. She then examines the family as a racial ideal and quoting George Floyd's mother, shows how revolutionary moments are apt at moving naturally toward family abolition.

Part 2 is a fascinating history of family abolition and overview of the labor movement and how it relates to the family. She dispels the myth of the perennial family and deconstructs the ideal of the one wage earner family, so often nostalgically idealized, and shows why it cannot happen again in our current economic system. There's so much in this section. It's a fantastic leftist history of the last 200 years, particularly in the United States, in its own right even if someone had no interest in family abolition itself.

Part 3 brings us to today and beyond. Insurgent social reproduction returns as she shows how protest camps create proto family abolition before they are destroyed externally (and internally). She summarizes the current thought on family abolition, acknowledges that communism and family abolition go hand and hand and why it hasn't happened yet. She makes her predictions about what it could look like, tying back in some of the history she explained earlier, namely Fourier's early (!)19th century fully automated luxury gay communism and modernizes it: global yet smaller, more inclusive: everyone (everyone!) is welcome, even those folks you fantasize about not being in the future, and even folks who might like families, or at least the idea of picking one person to raise children with and sticking together as a small group (yet part of a larger collective).

I recommend this book to everyone because I can't think of a curious person who likes to read who wouldn't get something out of this book, even if they don't walk away a family abolitionist. The language is clear and not too academic. I particularly recommend this book to anyone who does care (or helping) work, especially with disadvantaged populations. That work often feels sisyphean–namely because it is in the dominant global economic system. But this book offers an alternative, where the community we search for and fail to build may finally be found.
Profile Image for Sara Refor.
7 reviews1 follower
January 31, 2024
Malgrat la radicalitat que pot emanar el títol, O'Brien ens ve a recordar que necessitem cuidar-nos amb urgència. Mai un pronom feble, havia sigut tan fort: cuidar mutuament, entre nosaltres. 🦋

Recordem que quan abolim alguna cosa (llei, tradició), no simplement destruïm o suprimim, sinó que normalment ho fem per a millorar cap a una direcció millor, proposem alguna nova opció. O'Brien passa per Marx, Engels, Fourier, Kol.lontai i tants altres per reflexionar sobre com la familia nuclear actual no té cap sentit, de fet, és insostenible. Explica com aquest model de família ha fet que tants altres models siguen rebutjats ( lgtbi+, racialitzades, poliamor...), com ha fomentat la violència intrafamiliar per la seua opacitat i com junt amb el capitalisme, ens ha llevat el dret de decidir com voler cuidar i ser cuidades (treballem la major part del temps per a altres, etc). Al final del llibre, ens proposa com la família s'hauria d'obrir a molta més gent, com viuríem millor si ho férem en comú.

L'anàlisi és exhaustiu però accessible, no cal ser Karl Marx. Ha sigut una lectura interessant que et convida a reflexionar🌞📖

Em quede amb aquesta frase del llibre: "Hem d'abolir la famíliar nuclear, però hem de mantenir l'essencial: l'amor, la cura, la comunitat humana i la connexió, alliberant-les de les relacions d'abús, coerció, aïllament i propietat a què han estat sotmeses".❤️
Profile Image for Ilya.
22 reviews1 follower
August 25, 2023
I knew very little about family abolition when I started this book and now feel well aquatinted. The text covers a vast ground for being less than 300 pages and is incredibly approachable theory. Really appreciate what M.E. has done here
January 25, 2024
v admirable book that attempts a materialist account of the historical rise of the family as a bourgeois private household, proletarian and non-white rebellions and critiques of the form, and speculative / pre-figured forms of the horizon of communist social reproduction (where care is faciliated outside of the state/family/wage). i particularly appreciated how O'Brien thought through and wove together radical Black (feminist) tradition and Marxism together to argue for family abolition. also liked how clear-sighted they were about the contradictions - racism, queerphobia, sexism, etc - that abound in our attempts to create "insurgent social reproduction," and nonetheless the need for us to work towards it. if anything it felt like a call to recommit to the social.

I wish there were more history here - more historical storytelling and analysis. more granular, descriptive sentences over utopian declarations - for me this lessened their authority. but I also think that they are trying to write a different book than I want. this also made me think about what a critique of the family would look like if it centered Asia - partly bc this is what i'm already thinking about - but also because it is fairly Americas-centric.

few fav quotes:

"Struggling together is a form of making new kin. This making kin through collective struggle is a naming of the positive quality of solidarity and love that many people search for in families."

"Care is a material relationship, a set of forms of labor. It is a form of labor, performed as a relation between people, that offers a use value necessary for living tolerable lives. For many, it takes the particular forms of personal dependency within the family. Care in the family may be a mother changing an infant’s diaper; a romantic couple having decent sex; a person cooking and serving food to everyone in a private household; conversations about emotional challenges; or helping a disabled aging parent get in and out of bed."

"Care is an affective relationship. In caring for others, and in being cared for, we can experience the possibility of love."
Profile Image for Corvus.
675 reviews202 followers
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December 27, 2023
This is an unintended DNF due to the PDF format of the ARC bugging out my ereader constantly on top of being near impossible to read due to lack of ability to change the font size. One of many reasons I need epubs when requesting ARCs. I was excited about this so I kept trying but only made it about half way through. Will finish it some day when I have a readable copy.

Publishers, please consider accessibility when choosing ARC format. You can protect and put time limits on epubs and people often still pirate PDF versions anyway. Wouldn't you want reviewers to focus on the text rather than spending 2/3 of the time trying to see the text? (No offense to this publisher because most of them do this.)
4 reviews
August 1, 2023
Struggled to get into this at first as I didn't click with the writing style straight away. Nevertheless, I found this to be a thorough account of the political and social formation and implications of the nuclear family. The last section of the book was particularly inspiring, illustrating what post-revolutionary 'family' formations could look like and the paths to their realisation.
Profile Image for Elisenda Fusté Forès.
69 reviews1 follower
March 24, 2024
Se m'ha fet terriblement tediós. Imagino que no és pas un mla llibre, però les meves expectatives eren unes altres. Esperava alguna cosa molt més pràctica i al final el 90% ha estat teoria. A més se m'ha fet molt repetitiu. Potser és un llibre per a gent que hi està més posada, però sens dubte no per gent que ens iniciem en aquest tipus de lectures.
May 8, 2024
Un llibre que t'endinsa de forma clara a la idea de l'abolició de la família, fa un repàs com la comunització de les cures és l'únic camí per tenir una convivència més sana i igualitària entre totes.
M'agradat molt tota la part teòrica però la part final on fa propostes reals m'ha semblat massa utòpica i m'ha costat més de llegir.
Profile Image for Cheyenne.
71 reviews10 followers
March 4, 2024
i was assigned a bit of this for class, and i accidentally read the whole thing!! O'Brien brilliantly lays out the groundwork of the terms she will use to build theory upon, and the last section on the practicality of communes was truly fascinating!!
Profile Image for Robyn.
164 reviews
April 11, 2024
A rigorous historical account of the concept, grounded and meticulous, followed by interesting speculation on potential processes of communization in the contemporary moment.

Really appreciating M.E.’s work these days!
Profile Image for Laura.
122 reviews3 followers
March 28, 2024
Realment no l'he pogut acabar de llegir però això és una senyal clara que no val la pena.
309 reviews6 followers
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May 17, 2024
Really excellent critique of the family under capitalism. I would highly recommend this.
62 reviews
May 25, 2024
Stopped reading after ch 11, overall the writer is repetitive and too much communist theory. I don’t think they are a caregiver or maybe are too stuck in their books.
Profile Image for Alia W.
137 reviews20 followers
January 5, 2024
This is an important conversation to have and I’m relieved that marginalized people are centered here.

It’s not intersectional though. Intersectionality includes class consciousness which in my opinion, this book lacks.

Even when done I could not get page 18 out of my mind. Claiming raising children, financially supporting one another, housecleaning, and cooking had to be done “to an extent not seen in decades” during the pandemic. Earlier declaring families depend on laundry services, on-call drivers, food preparation, and other luxury accommodations.

That may be how the 21% lives but the rest of us do not. You could make the argument that the 21% are the ones needing this level of education on the matter to even begin to care about communizing care - fine. What about the majority of others living in America? I doubt the author believes they only need the upper class to organize behind this cause so why not include the plight and consideration of the rest of us 79 percenters?

I think this book takes a decent stab at a very important topic but it misses the mark with the exclusion everyone under the upper class. Maybe it’s because I live in the rural midwest and have had to face some level of poverty my entire life but it left me feeling like the author needed to touch grass.
June 22, 2024
I appreciated how meticulous the author was about grounding their theory in Marxism and, both using direct theory and real-world examples beyond the typical western conception of communism. It's also wonderfully intersectional and considerate and inclusive of all people and their identities. I generally prefer material analysis in the tradition of Marxism to imagining a utopian futures, and though the O'Brien made a clear effort to balance the two, it felt like they leaned too heavily on the latter. The writing dragged in places, but that's hard to avoid with this genre. Great jumping off point for anarcho-communist theory, and if you follow their citations, you can develop a pretty good understanding of the full school of thought.
March 13, 2024
We must abolish the family in order to liberate our sexual desires and to give children the freedom to change their genders!
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