B
BAAL, n. An old deity formerly much worshiped under various names. BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or Ere babes were invented The girls were contended. Now man is tormented Until to buy babes he has squandered His money. And so I have pondered This thing, and thought may be 'T were better that Baby The First had been eagled or condored. Ro Amil BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse Is public worship, then, a sin, That for devotions paid to Bacchus The lictors dare to run us in, And resolutely thump and whack us? Jorace BACK, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to BACKBITE, v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find BAIT, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The BAPTISM, n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself But whether the plan of immersion Is better than simple aspersion Let those immersed And those aspersed Decide by the Authorized Version, And by matching their agues tertian. G.J. BAROMETER, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of BARRACK, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg BASTINADO, n. The act of walking on wood without exertion. BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, The man who taketh a steam bath He loseth all the skin he hath, And, for he's boiled a brilliant red, Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed, Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling With dirty vapors of the boiling. Richard Gwow BATTLE, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly BEAUTY, n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a BEFRIEND, v.t. To make an ingrate. BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the Who is that, father? A mendicant, child, Haggard, morose, and unaffable -- wild! See how he glares through the bars of his cell! With Citizen Mendicant all is not well. Why did they put him there, father? Because Obeying his belly he struck at the laws. His belly? Oh, well, he was starving, my boy -- A state in which, doubtless, there's little of joy. No bite had he eaten for days, and his cry Was "Bread!" ever "Bread!" What's the matter with pie? With little to wear, he had nothing to sell; To beg was unlawful -- improper as well. Why didn't he work? He would even have done that, But men said: "Get out!" and the State remarked: "Scat!" I mention these incidents merely to show That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low. Revenge, at the best, is the act of a Siou, But for trifles -- Pray what did bad Mendicant do? Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack And tuck out the belly that clung to his back. Is that all father dear? There's little to tell: They sent him to jail, and they'll send him to -- well, The company's better than here we can boast, And there's -- Bread for the needy, dear father? Um -- toast. Atka Mip BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends. BEHAVIOR, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by Recordare, Jesu pie, Quod sum causa tuae viae. Ne me perdas illa die. Pray remember, sacred Savior, Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your Death-blow. Pardon such behavior. BELLADONNA, n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly BENEDICTINES, n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars. She thought it a crow, but it turn out to be A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text. "Here's one of an order of cooks," said she -- "Black friars in this world, fried black in the next." "The Devil on Earth" (London, 1712) BENEFACTOR, n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude, without, BERENICE'S HAIR, n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband's life to save; And men -- they honored so the dame -- Upon some stars bestowed her name. But to our modern married fair, Who'd give their lords to save their hair, No stellar recognition's given. There are not stars enough in heaven. G.J. BIGAMY, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion BILLINGSGATE, n. The invective of an opponent. BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters -- the most difficult BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the "One night," a doctor said, "last fall, I and my comrades, four in all, When visiting a graveyard stood Within the shadow of a wall. "While waiting for the moon to sink We saw a wild hyena slink About a new-made grave, and then Begin to excavate its brink! "Shocked by the horrid act, we made A sally from our ambuscade, And, falling on the unholy beast, Dispatched him with a pick and spade." Bettel K. Jhones BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen. BOTANY, n. The science of vegetables -- those that are not good to BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker. BOUNDARY, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures. Henry Ward Beecher BRAHMA, n. He who created the Hindoos, who are preserved by Vishnu O Brahma, thou rare old Divinity, First Person of the Hindoo Trinity, You sit there so calm and securely, With feet folded up so demurely -- You're the First Person Singular, surely. Polydore Smith BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one BRIDE, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. BRUTE, n. See HUSBAND. |